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How to create space for yourself without the guilt

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Manage episode 301180668 series 2976377
Contenuto fornito da Danielle An. Tutti i contenuti dei podcast, inclusi episodi, grafica e descrizioni dei podcast, vengono caricati e forniti direttamente da Danielle An o dal partner della piattaforma podcast. Se ritieni che qualcuno stia utilizzando la tua opera protetta da copyright senza la tua autorizzazione, puoi seguire la procedura descritta qui https://it.player.fm/legal.

In this episode of early care for every kid, we discuss:

  • (00:50) How I reconciled not getting it all done sometimes
  • (02:23) How you can feel good about giving yourself space/care
  • (06:29) Questions to ask yourself when deciding what’s important now

Join the conversation:

Transcript:

AI-generated transcript below. Please excuse any typos or errors.

Danielle An (00:00)

In this episode, I want to talk about giving ourselves more space without the guilt to take care of ourselves first, especially because we are caregivers to very little children who are always watching. This is early care for every kid, a podcast for people who want to make learning, living, and loving more harmonious for everyone.

I'm your host, Danielle An each week, I interview fellow parents, educators, advocates, and community leaders. The care for and work with young children and families. I share their experiences, insights, and specific, actionable tips on how you could help make the world work better for everyone. Welcome to our conversation.

Danielle An (00:50)

Hi I was away last week and despite wanting to be disciplined and consistent about podcast episodes, I myself also just take the week without giving any advance notice. I felt a little guilty and frustrated and frankly was very cranky and myself to be skipping an episode. But I do want to talk about how I've come to feel okay about it all

After taking an unplanned last minute road trip to visit my in-laws for the first time since the pandemic, I wasn't quite sure I was going to be able to record and release this episode or any episode, but I take a moment to think about is that really important right now for me this week, especially cause I wasn't feeling very well. I decided that it's okay. Let's skip a week and come back the week after. So here we are.

And it just reminded me to maybe encourage you to give ourselves, give yourself some more space. Without guilt to intentionally take care of ourselves first and recharge as needed. So that would, we could be at a healthier, more regulated space where we are feeling generous and happy to share what we do and do it with joy and gladness.

So when we are with our kids, we're not erupting at them. Something really minute.

Danielle An (02:23)

I want to talk about the mindset shift as I decided, okay, this week I will skip an episode because it might demonstrate a little bit about what a lot of caregivers, a lot of mothers do, especially when it comes to personal work and family lives.

We set ourselves up for failure a lot of times, because there are too many things that need to get done that don't. Fit on our plate neatly. And we are not meant to do all the things on our own without any support, even before the coronavirus and during a pandemic. And. As we are perhaps slowly getting to a safer place and still a tenuous place where there's still a lot of uncertainty.

There's a lot of clarity how we are not individually meant to do it all alone, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and all the stacks, all the nursing or pumping and the bottle washing and feeding or a sanitizing that needs to happen. And just keeping the house. Clean enough or making a living doing work that will.

Support your family financially, be able to afford a toy book, a summer camp program, or a caretaker. Keep your family safe. Keep them engaged or feed a newborn or a baby while also. Wiping a toddlers, but, and also give the toddler a bath while also preparing dinner. And at the same time, reading a book and maybe putting another child to sleep or plan birthday parties, we were never meant to have 10 arms and do it all alone at the same time in one season, the point is we have a lot going on, even just as caretakers.

Which in itself is a full-time job, whether you're paid to do that kind of care giving or not. If on top of that, when you have income earning work that needs to happen or elder care that needs to happen or taking care of your relationship, if you have a partner or self-development, whatever it is, we cannot fit all that in one day in 24 hours. Or in one week.

I think it is really important to also remind herself that we are animals. We have our human bodies that need rest and food and sleep and connection so that we can do the things that fill us up and also share. That kind of excitement and joy and life Venus with our family, our loved ones and our community.

Well, I used to have a hard time rearranging priorities and timelines for work projects for my home, my family, or myself, feeling the things that I had planned to do, whether it was because I had set the expectation for myself or because it was set by other people. Deliver, but I think I have gotten better at recognizing that it's okay.

Sometimes that the world will not blow up. At least in my sphere. It does not always have dire long lasting consequences. So I hoped this might be a quick reminder to you if you're listening that if you're feeling like you're failing at a lot of things and you're dropping so many balls and you're not living up to who you had thought you would be or what you would be doing, it's okay.

Sometimes to take a deep breath first and let certain things roll off your shoulder and just stretch yourself out and breathe a little bit because.

If you saw a friend who was struggling and overwhelmed or burnt out, really running on fumes, you would probably be more tender and gracious, forgiving, and encouraging towards them.

Danielle An (06:29)

So I've tried to see how I might help myself in that way to remember that. Oh, it's okay. You know, you're doing great. That's enough for today and let yourself rest and do the rest tomorrow. Just having the intention of what I'm not going to do today and what I will do today and what I will ask somebody else to do.

I know we talk a lot about putting on an oxygen mask on yourself first, but I think the first time I heard how important it is for mothers, especially to take care of themselves was I think. I want to say fifth grade in my elementary school in Korea and my home economics teacher, I think that's what it was.

We had home economics back then and she had said, moms have to take care of themselves first and that you have to eat well and take care of your body at that time. For some reason, I was gross. I thought that was such a self-indulgent idea at that time, but I recognize many decades later, how. Wise and true.

That is. And just from my own experience, I'm no good to anybody. If I feel like I'm burning myself in service of my kids and for whatever reason, if they seem ungrateful, if I did something extra special for them, whether it was creating a Halloween costume for them and they suddenly changed their mind, I would just get so angry.

And that's not the intention that we do these things for. I realize I was probably doing that for validation and recognition. Oh, I'm a mom. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. And while I encourage and teach that kind of gratitude and recognizing what other people did for you, the intention. Yeah. To do things out of love, not for the validation.

Look how much sacrifice I'm making for you. Like not sleeping and doing all these things for you. And if you don't recognize it, I'm going to boil up. So I think as mothers, we do so much, not always because we're asked, but because we put it on ourselves and I think. Wanted to talk about the real quick, and I'm sure there are other examples that you could think of, uh, in your own lives.

And I invite you to question how much of these things are really necessary right now is there is something that I can just take off for now, is this really necessary and feel free to let yourself off the hook as long as it doesn't cause harm to other people. Of course, if you happen to find yourself in a place where you feel completely alone, or like you're in an endless loop of all the things I need to get done and you're failing at Getty, all of it done.

Please remember you are never meant to do it all alone and you should perhaps consider shedding some of those responsibilities and letting other people. Including your very young toddlers to take over some things I know that toddlers are capable of and happy to take over some of the cleaning jobs. So even if they don't do it quite the way that you might want to please remember to ask for help, whenever you can.

And take good care of yourself first so that you could be who you want to be. Thanks for joining me, Danielle An for this episode of early care for every kid. Connect with me on Instagram @ earlycareforeverykid. You can also hit the follow button wherever you're listening, to subscribe to the podcast and listen to all the episodes so far. Till next time, take care.

  continue reading

11 episodi

Artwork
iconCondividi
 
Manage episode 301180668 series 2976377
Contenuto fornito da Danielle An. Tutti i contenuti dei podcast, inclusi episodi, grafica e descrizioni dei podcast, vengono caricati e forniti direttamente da Danielle An o dal partner della piattaforma podcast. Se ritieni che qualcuno stia utilizzando la tua opera protetta da copyright senza la tua autorizzazione, puoi seguire la procedura descritta qui https://it.player.fm/legal.

In this episode of early care for every kid, we discuss:

  • (00:50) How I reconciled not getting it all done sometimes
  • (02:23) How you can feel good about giving yourself space/care
  • (06:29) Questions to ask yourself when deciding what’s important now

Join the conversation:

Transcript:

AI-generated transcript below. Please excuse any typos or errors.

Danielle An (00:00)

In this episode, I want to talk about giving ourselves more space without the guilt to take care of ourselves first, especially because we are caregivers to very little children who are always watching. This is early care for every kid, a podcast for people who want to make learning, living, and loving more harmonious for everyone.

I'm your host, Danielle An each week, I interview fellow parents, educators, advocates, and community leaders. The care for and work with young children and families. I share their experiences, insights, and specific, actionable tips on how you could help make the world work better for everyone. Welcome to our conversation.

Danielle An (00:50)

Hi I was away last week and despite wanting to be disciplined and consistent about podcast episodes, I myself also just take the week without giving any advance notice. I felt a little guilty and frustrated and frankly was very cranky and myself to be skipping an episode. But I do want to talk about how I've come to feel okay about it all

After taking an unplanned last minute road trip to visit my in-laws for the first time since the pandemic, I wasn't quite sure I was going to be able to record and release this episode or any episode, but I take a moment to think about is that really important right now for me this week, especially cause I wasn't feeling very well. I decided that it's okay. Let's skip a week and come back the week after. So here we are.

And it just reminded me to maybe encourage you to give ourselves, give yourself some more space. Without guilt to intentionally take care of ourselves first and recharge as needed. So that would, we could be at a healthier, more regulated space where we are feeling generous and happy to share what we do and do it with joy and gladness.

So when we are with our kids, we're not erupting at them. Something really minute.

Danielle An (02:23)

I want to talk about the mindset shift as I decided, okay, this week I will skip an episode because it might demonstrate a little bit about what a lot of caregivers, a lot of mothers do, especially when it comes to personal work and family lives.

We set ourselves up for failure a lot of times, because there are too many things that need to get done that don't. Fit on our plate neatly. And we are not meant to do all the things on our own without any support, even before the coronavirus and during a pandemic. And. As we are perhaps slowly getting to a safer place and still a tenuous place where there's still a lot of uncertainty.

There's a lot of clarity how we are not individually meant to do it all alone, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and all the stacks, all the nursing or pumping and the bottle washing and feeding or a sanitizing that needs to happen. And just keeping the house. Clean enough or making a living doing work that will.

Support your family financially, be able to afford a toy book, a summer camp program, or a caretaker. Keep your family safe. Keep them engaged or feed a newborn or a baby while also. Wiping a toddlers, but, and also give the toddler a bath while also preparing dinner. And at the same time, reading a book and maybe putting another child to sleep or plan birthday parties, we were never meant to have 10 arms and do it all alone at the same time in one season, the point is we have a lot going on, even just as caretakers.

Which in itself is a full-time job, whether you're paid to do that kind of care giving or not. If on top of that, when you have income earning work that needs to happen or elder care that needs to happen or taking care of your relationship, if you have a partner or self-development, whatever it is, we cannot fit all that in one day in 24 hours. Or in one week.

I think it is really important to also remind herself that we are animals. We have our human bodies that need rest and food and sleep and connection so that we can do the things that fill us up and also share. That kind of excitement and joy and life Venus with our family, our loved ones and our community.

Well, I used to have a hard time rearranging priorities and timelines for work projects for my home, my family, or myself, feeling the things that I had planned to do, whether it was because I had set the expectation for myself or because it was set by other people. Deliver, but I think I have gotten better at recognizing that it's okay.

Sometimes that the world will not blow up. At least in my sphere. It does not always have dire long lasting consequences. So I hoped this might be a quick reminder to you if you're listening that if you're feeling like you're failing at a lot of things and you're dropping so many balls and you're not living up to who you had thought you would be or what you would be doing, it's okay.

Sometimes to take a deep breath first and let certain things roll off your shoulder and just stretch yourself out and breathe a little bit because.

If you saw a friend who was struggling and overwhelmed or burnt out, really running on fumes, you would probably be more tender and gracious, forgiving, and encouraging towards them.

Danielle An (06:29)

So I've tried to see how I might help myself in that way to remember that. Oh, it's okay. You know, you're doing great. That's enough for today and let yourself rest and do the rest tomorrow. Just having the intention of what I'm not going to do today and what I will do today and what I will ask somebody else to do.

I know we talk a lot about putting on an oxygen mask on yourself first, but I think the first time I heard how important it is for mothers, especially to take care of themselves was I think. I want to say fifth grade in my elementary school in Korea and my home economics teacher, I think that's what it was.

We had home economics back then and she had said, moms have to take care of themselves first and that you have to eat well and take care of your body at that time. For some reason, I was gross. I thought that was such a self-indulgent idea at that time, but I recognize many decades later, how. Wise and true.

That is. And just from my own experience, I'm no good to anybody. If I feel like I'm burning myself in service of my kids and for whatever reason, if they seem ungrateful, if I did something extra special for them, whether it was creating a Halloween costume for them and they suddenly changed their mind, I would just get so angry.

And that's not the intention that we do these things for. I realize I was probably doing that for validation and recognition. Oh, I'm a mom. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. And while I encourage and teach that kind of gratitude and recognizing what other people did for you, the intention. Yeah. To do things out of love, not for the validation.

Look how much sacrifice I'm making for you. Like not sleeping and doing all these things for you. And if you don't recognize it, I'm going to boil up. So I think as mothers, we do so much, not always because we're asked, but because we put it on ourselves and I think. Wanted to talk about the real quick, and I'm sure there are other examples that you could think of, uh, in your own lives.

And I invite you to question how much of these things are really necessary right now is there is something that I can just take off for now, is this really necessary and feel free to let yourself off the hook as long as it doesn't cause harm to other people. Of course, if you happen to find yourself in a place where you feel completely alone, or like you're in an endless loop of all the things I need to get done and you're failing at Getty, all of it done.

Please remember you are never meant to do it all alone and you should perhaps consider shedding some of those responsibilities and letting other people. Including your very young toddlers to take over some things I know that toddlers are capable of and happy to take over some of the cleaning jobs. So even if they don't do it quite the way that you might want to please remember to ask for help, whenever you can.

And take good care of yourself first so that you could be who you want to be. Thanks for joining me, Danielle An for this episode of early care for every kid. Connect with me on Instagram @ earlycareforeverykid. You can also hit the follow button wherever you're listening, to subscribe to the podcast and listen to all the episodes so far. Till next time, take care.

  continue reading

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