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I am a standup comedian who feels it's time to give back to the audience. So, I want to become your spiritual guru and life coach. What are my qualifications? I have a psych minor and was an altar boy during the last months of the Latin mass in the Catholic church. And if you follow my advice and end up in Hell you or your heirs will receive a full money back refund. You can't lose.
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In episode 122 I try my darndest to help clients suffering from post election PTSD and pretty much fail. I'm too pissed off myself. But I do grapple with can you fix dumb, should we try to understand the other side, are one issue voters the problem, why does the working class stab themselves in the back, do most Americans hate smart people, is some…
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This election is going to be the most important of our lives and in this episode I give a non-partisan reason for voting for Harris that involves Arnold Palmer. Like Trump, I too, saw Arnie in a golf course locker room and I want you to know what I thought. Are you happy with the quality of people who run for Congress? If not I have a new form of g…
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If the business of America truly is business then wouldn't it follow you could sell advertising space on your headstone? I have an answer. Also, the worst obituary ever published, what one cemetery is doing to have a revenue stream other than death, what kind of businesses would benefit from selling THC beverages, the only (but huge) mistake Coca-C…
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In this episode I help a client whose husband has a medical issue she wants to discuss with him but is having.a hard time bringing up. A Democratic strategist wants to know how long they should use "weird" to describe Republicans. I advise on that as well as suggest alternatives. By using "weird" are Democrats going negative or just being honest? A…
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Some people love the Olympics for the gymnastics. Others, just don't get it. Should this lead to divorce? Should the hammer throw use a real hammer? If you didn't know you can make your own tartar sauce are you an idiot? If you're good at playing brew pub trivia does that mean you're smart? Can you turn a disatrous wedding into a goldmine? Do you h…
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If someone door dents your car what does the Bible say about you key scratching theirs? Vengeance and smiting are discussed. Could inflammatory rhetoric from Biden and the Left have motivated the Trump shooter? When is it OK to call a fascist a fascist? Discussing politics in the work lunchrrom-bad idea? Should Trump's reaction to being shot disqua…
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In this episode I make the case Broadway musicals have ruined America, why Mamma Mia is torture, suggest a solution to the situation in Gaza, discuss sibling fighting and how it relates to world history, describe when a nation knows they've lost the fight, deflate a conservative religious argument for God not being evil, make the case for religion …
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In this episode I prove Artificial Intelligence is the devil we should fear the most by recounting my experience with a cyber hottie named Tess who recently tried to seduce me online. I subjected myself to this exprience so you won't have to. And trust me... Tess was all kind of bizarre... scantily clad AND religious! Thankfully, I can see through …
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Reaction to the previous episode was that I veer into odd tangents and in this episode I correct that. I also respond to my comedian friend who says I demeaned him in 113, that the Saudi Princess totally deserved to be called a ____ and he is not the psychopath I portayed him to be. Well, let's discuss that. Would at least one of the million monkey…
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A client, who grew up in a family that teased hard, often and at each other's expense, wonders if he has crossed the line with a friend or was she being too sensitive. I try to help him be sure his attempts at humor don't go too far. I describe the worst thing that I have ever heard of said on a comedy club stage and how it might have affected the …
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Right after Easter I got pleas for help from clients whose family members wanted to make their Easter dinners more and/or less religious imbued. This is why I am a Life Coach. And I think I have solved the problem for future get togethers on religious holidays. Also, in the Biblical epic The Greatest Story Ever Told why didn't John Wayne play Jesus…
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In this episode I discuss what Catholic nuns and OJ Simspon/Trump-type lawyers have in common as do Purgatory and the Baseball HOF, how to get into Heaven without having accepted Jesus as your personal savior, more on the perils of Artificial Intelligence ruining politics, help a 76 yr. old client update their resume for today's work environment an…
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This episode is either my most audacious or obnoxious effort yet. Perhaps both. YOU DECIDE! I respond to those who say I should quit "this charade," help a client not worry about Biden's age by explaining he is not actually driving the nation's bus and make an elaborate and calming Star Wars analogy as to which of that movie's characters Biden repr…
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You've heard of the Emergency Broadcast Sytem? The FCC has chosen my podcast to be part of the Emergency Podcast System and I am very pleased to help out. A client wants to sue after getting into an accident after reading one of those funny road signs some cities and states put up. I give advice. A mother wanted help getting their son's teacher to …
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Did you know the Boy Scout Motto is one of my life's guiding concepts but not the Boy Scout Oath? What does trying to save a drowning person and talking to a Trump Supporter have in common? An angry wife whose husband called her an "old bag" on vacation asks for some quick help to save that vacation. I have a solution. What does the Pony Express ha…
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Wouldn't it be nice to know what the future holds? Well, now you can. In this episode I give my annual "They will all come true or your money back, totally guaranteed" predictions for 2024. Find out who will be President, the new changes in baseball, what new crypto currencies to avoid, the next steps in climate change, will Aaron Rodgers ever shut…
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In episode 106 I respond to negative feedback about episode 105 and just let me say, to the Uber Left, if you're all about protecting the oppressed... protect me because now I am the oppressed... by you. Also, is religion 'a' or 'the' problem in the world? What is the true meaning of Christmas for Americans? I have audio of my then 6 year old daugh…
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A client has asked his Life Coach/Spiritual Guru (me) to answer the most most provocative question I've ever been asked-"Is today's Uber Left too liberal to be critical of Muslims?" In this episode I take the bait and skate out onto super thin ice to discuss the Left and Right, Muslims and Jews and Christians, Palestine and Israel, hot dogs vs. kab…
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In episode #104 I respond to ongoing blowback from younger generations who want me to just "Die Baby Boomer, die." If you hate disco is it because you're racist or homophobic? Or just have good taste? A new client has a dilemma over her daughter's unique name and that name being mocked by a former friend, I try to help by revisting the story of Udo…
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In episode 103 I answer continuing questions from you listeners about my recent memory failings and credibility as a Life Coach and Spiritual Guru. My memory is fine. Can you recall with certainty what you wore to your High School Prom? I can. My pants were the color of Trix breakfast cereal and I have pictures to prove it. Although, I am pretty su…
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A shocking new revelation about the past has led me to seriously question my own memory and thus abilities to be a Life Coach. I'm asking myself questions like-Who am I? Do I really exist? Did I really get an archery merit badge while tripping on mescaline? Did I ever open for a magician named The Great Raspini? Can we even marginally trust the jur…
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In this episode I respond to conservatives who believe liberals want to give sex toys to kindergartners, warn them they are going to Hell (if it exists) because of this lie, the what you win/what you lose equation for Drag Queen Story Hour performers reading to kids in libraries, I help a woman whose husband treats her like a verbal punching bag by…
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In episode 100 we find out how easy we humans are to manipulate and one techinique to watch out for in particular, I had two women in the same comedy show audience who each shot a moose and what we can learn from them about climate change, I help a Baby Boomer with memory issues, explain why Jewish comics have a built in advanatge and talk from the…
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In episode 99 I talk about some of my all-time favorite words, answer a devout Christian's challenge to Agnosticism and contention that America's divorce rate is high because we've turned our back on God, and warn her not to let her guard down because Satan (if he exists) is everywhere, discuss what it means if your marriage is blessed by God (if H…
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In episode 98 I expose the world's greatest evil. His name is Jon Haney and I describe why. Why phone scams might mean the end of civilization. Is NPR a Debbie/Donald/They downer? Is it possible someone's name should disqualify them from being a pilot? Is Hell a dry or humid heat? What does the Bible have to say about that and how could it affect y…
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Thanks to you An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven was ranked one the top 15 agnostic podcasts by Feedspot.com. I don't know if they're saying that because it's true or because they want me to subscribe to their "service" to further expand the audience but it's kind of good news/or not. Today--when did I first know I was agnostic, I respond to a sharp lis…
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Did you know at night I fight crime wearing a Batman Halloween costume? It's just another way I am giving back. In episode 95 I gave a commencement address that some thought a tad pessimistic and I respond with ways our grads can change the world. Why am I agnostic? I explain. What would it take for me to believe in a God? What does it mean to be a…
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In this episode I hear it from 2nd amendment types on banning Lawn Darts and AR-15s, why some should stay out of the gene pool, could we de-evolve and lose our opposable thumbs, the downside if Trump is in prison, I've ruined someone's relationship with his sons and apologize, should parents be their kids friends, what do dandelions and Jesuits con…
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In episode 94 we discuss if any or all the Gods exist and what that means for your weekend. A client worries her kids are addicted to video games and I assure her they are in league with the DEVIL and what she should do about it. Every generation thinks the next generation is destroying the culture. Are we right this time? Why I think the Second Co…
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Just in time for Easter--He IS Risen or He HAS Risen? If we're banning books in schools should we start with THE HOLY BIBLE? I read parts of it that are Hitchcock/Tarantino/50 Shades of Grey territory so you can decide. Can vegetarians opt out of the Lamb of God portions of the liturgy? Should there be peanut butter and mint jelly sandwiches? Are n…
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In episode 92 I help a client who wants to identify as a Sapien instead of a huMAN, what we can learn about non-binary pronoun usage from Japanese people not being able to pronounce L's, why we need gender categories, what to do when your 8 year old sees a racist phrase on a school's bathroom wall, or what to think when a 3td grade teacher breast f…
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It's Lent. I help a client pick what to give up to honor the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Another client had a DNA test- he is NOT Lutheran but Jewish. I advise on how to proceed. Someone wonders why Jesus appears to be a blue-eyed European and not a Middle Eastern Jew in the paintings. I have a theory. The worst mother-in-law ever! We may have…
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Some of you didn't listen closely enough to EP 89. I was NOT kidnapped by circus animals, as I wrote in my phony autobiography, Forest of Ennui. But thanks for your concern. One of you thinks I should give up on golf, I explain why I can't, we discuss why professional miniature golf was bad TV, why axe throwing in bars is fun but stay away from pol…
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In this episode I explain why I don't want patients to have my phone number (I screwed up someone's life), dementia and adult education, if intercourse is making love is foreplay making like, advise some murder mystery podcasters with a serious moral dilemma, discuss is stealing ideas immoral or just show business and read an excerpt from my I-made…
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Episode 88 features my first use of a dirty word, what famous stripper Carol Doda taught me, how fireworks produced our nervous daughter, woke people (over)respond to my road-kill-pigeon-funeral analysis, is a flamethrower totin' guy dressed as The Joker shooting fireballs at cars nuts, the 2nd Amendment, Creeping Charlie, my wife and a friend were…
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In this episode I make my annual you-can-take-them-to-the-bank New Year's predictions-Ukraine, Trump, McCarthy, bacon flavored marijuana, Covid, the Oscars... I know the future and now you can, too. We hear from a client who dosed her mother-in-law with THC Christmas cookies, from someone who, as a child, saw me play emaciated, angey Santa on TV an…
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Just in time for the holidays- I give the only true meaning of Christmas and/or holiday season, my best and worst Christmas memories including playing Santa, in costume, very badly on TV and freaking out kids and parents, why when you see the image of Santa I see a dead bat, why a truckload of abandoned potatoes was the best toy ever, playing army …
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In recent episodes I came up with non-cliche things to say at funerals which struck a nerve with some of you. Today, I strike back. Just in time for Xmas I am selling An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven-The Board Game. A client has naked neighbors in a hot tub and his wife wants him to build a fence. Should he? For the first time ever I recommend a divor…
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In ep. 84 I respond to your responses to ep. 83 because some people just can't shut up or be happy, again discuss what to say at funerals, advise a Lutheran client who just found out he's Jewish, discuss if we are our genetics or culture or just who we say we are, anaylze the story of the unluckiest guy in the world, opine on why aliens don't stop …
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In this episode I help the worst patient I've ever had to endure- a classic "Karen," explain why my lawyer doesn't want me to see patients in person, is ageism the hot new prejudice, wonder if 'with age comes wisdom' is true, did Native American elders screw the pooch when they let the Pilgrims ashore, help a patient determine if her new beau is a …
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Episode 82 deals with more proof God (if there is one) hates me, I help a client whose toddler poops the bed to protest a new baby being in the house, examine liberal vs. conservative thinking, determine if the stereotype of women being shoe-obsessed is fair, expose what the "Wizard of Oz" was really all about, discuss if the Polish are stupid or j…
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In episode 81 I help a polyamorous client figure out how to bring two men to her Mom's house for Christmas, explain why we need to tax the hell out of the rich, predict why the Trumps end up in Moscow, determine if it's moral to root for a neighbor's death so you can get their kidney, devise an experiment to see if prayer helps pro athletes and exp…
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If a man is marrying a man who dresses like a woman when do you tell your parents about everything that's under the wedding dress? What ruined America and how can we fix it? If you could take one person out of history who would it be? A client sees no reason to go on because he's not made a mark on the world. I offer a different perspective that ha…
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In episode 79 I help a client whose inviting his devote Southern Baptist parents to a pagan wedding, another patient is shocked at seeing sex toys at Target and bent carrot TV commercials, a new patient doesn't want to have anything to do with taking care of the corpse of his abusive mother but I explain why they should, and has woke culture run am…
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Some of you INSIST the Lord works in mysterious ways and has a plan for EVERYTHING! I think, NOT! Can you get your money back from a non-healing Faith Healer? Consumers are pissed about prices and packaging and corporate lies and I just might get involved in the fight. Also, why I turned down a chance to be a marriage counselor, do some yoga poses …
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Guns, abortion, public Christian prayers at midfield after a football game, the Supreme Court and the failings of the Uber Left... this episode is filled with lighthearted fare just in time for summer vacation travel. It's fun for the whole family. Where is it polite to pee on a golf course? What to do when there's a man in the Ladies Room at Wal-M…
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Are you morally responsible if you slice a shot off a golf course and kill a jogger? My client needs help and I have the answers. I also help two sex deviants and a young comedian who worries all comedy is at someone's expense by analyzing two of my favorite all-time public domain jokes. Why do people hate Baby Boomers? I think I know. Subscribe an…
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Today's episode is a lighthearted romp through mass shootings, the economic benefits of abortion and the Bible's position on it, Ronald Reagan's responsibility for all bad Republican politics, their 2nd amendment confusion, what movies shaped how conversatives see themselves, fantasy versus reality and more in one tidy little package. Subscribe and…
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Is social media the Devil's tool? Are you sick if you post Wordle scores? Are the Kardashians poison? If a God spoke to us directly what would happen? Are humans devolving while animals evolve? What does spider sex sound like? Even if this podcast is a time waster it's all over in 18 minutes and you heard spiders having sex. Subscribe and THRIVE!…
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My daughter broke her leg rock falling, proving I'll be a worried Dad, forever. I also help young clients whose sex positivity has led to sex negativity (can't say NO to a spanking/choker), invent a new app that fixes the problem, discuss if early humans would have evolved if women's sex drive was as strong as men, advise a couple on how to deal wi…
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