We're diving into a reader question on creating effective community spaces. This episode we discuss safer spaces, braver spaces and creative interventions. Is the ban hammer the way to go or are there compassionate ways to manage safety concerns? What does success look like for a harms process? References:chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglcle…

Episode 69 (Over Rated Sex Acts) is now live!Join us as we discuss how to navigate common events in polyamory communities. What difficulties do attendees experience engaging in new spaces? Get a better understanding of how community leaders approach community events. Learn ways to become more involved and how to create a space that fits you best. D…

Laugh with us as we giggle and guffaw in our 69th episode discussing overrated sex acts. We normally bring you heavy topics, but this episode is all about fun. We would like to caveat that the information presented is based on our own experiences and opinions. C*m and celebrate with us getting to number 69. Don’t forget to subscribe if you want not…

You asked for an episode on the ethics of Unicorn Hunting and we gave it to you! Listen to Michael, Mandee, and Sarah discuss the defining factors for Unicorn Hunting. What are the red flags and prep work needed if you are considering this relationship style or being approached to join a couple? We also discuss how to address Unicorn Hunting as a g…

Join us as we welcome back Sarah and introduce a method of creating durable, modular, and ethical agreements to help you meet your safer sex goals. Once a much talked about concept fluid bonding agreements have fallen out of favor in ethical non-monogamy for being often problematic and hierarchal, and we can’t help but agree. However, there were so…

In this episode we look at building up trust and open honest communication, especially how to build trust with people who have experienced betrayals in the past, from yourself or others. We also look at the power of gratitude and communication tools to make it all work.Di Probably Poly

Episode 65 (Crystal Byrd Farmer on The Token) is now live!We are very lucky to have Crystal Byrd Farmer drop by this week to talk about her book. “The Token” is a practical guide, including workshops, on how to look critically at majority communities wishing to increase diversity across any axis as well as common mistakes, how well meaning people a…

We have the amazing honor this week of interviewing five of the people who spoke up about their experiences with Franklin Veaux, who have gone collectively by the name "the Franklin Veaux survivors" (although they don't all individually identify as survivors) — Melanie, Rose, Celeste, Eve and Marissa. We talk about what went right and what went wro…

In this episode explore the ethics of closed relationships. This includes explicitly non-monogamous closed relationships (often called poly-fidelitous) as well as how unintentionally closed relationships that represent or see themselves as open form.Visual Resource for Boundaries, Wants & Needs Visualization: probablypoly.com/resources…

In this episode we invite therapist Dr. Daniel Stillwell on the show to discuss the difference between the ways in which he applies the theories of boundaries, needs, and wants in his practice and common ways these theories are discussed or talked about in relationship help texts and the poly community at large. We separate multiple functioning way…

Episode 61 (Couples Privilege) is now live!If you have at least one relationship then you have couples privilege. In this episode we look at what causes couples privilege, why it is so hard to see in yourself, and what we can do to help alleviate the sorts of harms that couples privilege is likely to cause. Join Our Next Chat tomorrow Saturday Nove…

We attempt to provide both theory and application advise in relationship ethics. One of the best ways to do that is to take information from one or more of our theory episodes and apply them to a detailed case provided by a listener. This is the first of our case study series and it looks at a very difficult and intertwined situation of a person re…

One of the most common confusions we hear in Ethical Non-Monogamy is, what exactly are boundaries, needs, and wants. How can you tell them apart? How can you tell if your partner really has a need or if it’s just a want? In this episode we tackle these questions and more as we attempt to clearly explain boundaries, needs, and wants.Join Our Next Ch…

Consent is one of the most difficult and important topics in interpersonal ethics. Join us as we try and work out some of the more difficult questions associated with this tangled topic. What exactly do we mean when we say “consent”. What sort of consent can we give? When is consent alone not enough to guarantee that an interaction is ethical.Citat…

Sharing emotions with the people around you is a cornerstone of authenticity but its easier said than done (especially in a culture which unfairly praises apparent objectivity), and much easier said than done to do it ethically. This week we look at all the benefits of that emotional content, the myth of the neutral “logical” position, and how to e…

This week we look at the origins of shame and other judgmental moral emotions. What role they played evolutionarily and the ethical problems they present and how these harmful emotions are bound up in the desire and problems with gatekeeping the term polyamory itself.Di Probably Poly

While everyone deals with mourning, as non-monogamous individuals we also need to be able and willing to support our partners through the loss of other partners. In this episode we deal with loss and how to mourn losses and integrate those adjustments into your own life as well as some of the best ways to support others do the same. All forms of lo…

Join us this week for a lighter, but still socially responsible, discussion of how to use relationship games to improve your long distance relationships by adding depth and allowing emotional bonding on par with in person relationships. This episode is of course a little more explicit than our regular content. This episode both introduces these con…

I do not have a pithy teaser for you this week. This episode was difficult to record and difficult to edit. We explain why all of us who want to lay a claim to being ethical must participate in the Black Lives Matter movement to the best of our ability, why all oppression must be fought everywhere and every time we find it, and why ENM and Polyamor…

This week we made our first episode in a new series we are calling Probably Poly Particulars. This is basically a zoomed in topic done as a video and we were so fortunate to have Ash Williams of Charlotte Uprising, a local organizer working in the BLM movement on the show to talk about the amazing work they are doing in charlotte. The only problem …

Join us as we look at common claims against autonomy inside of relationships and expose how we are likely not talking about autonomy and even if we are it may not be the most helpful lens to use. Along the way we troubleshoot what you are most likely dealing with and approaches to resolving those sorts of issues.Join us again next Saturday, June, 6…

In this episode we break down the perceived barrier between doing and being and examine how what we do makes up who we are and how even those things that we might think of as being intrinsic are still projects whether we realize it or not. Join us again this Saturday, May, 23rd from 5 to 7 EST live on Zoom using the following https://us02web.zoom.u…

In this episode we look at the final update from the FV survivor pod and an update directly from the survivors, including the updated public survivor asks. We look at the process trajectory and think about take aways and say thanks for all the hard work. In polyamory we know transitions and partial endings are as important as beginnings so we hope …

We are very lucky to have polyamorous relationship coach and author Robin Beatch join us this week. We discuss a wide range of topic, including but not limited too, how proper sleep manages stress., how to reconcile various communication styles, and special gifts to help touch your partners from a distance.Join us again this Saturday, April, 25th f…

This week we dive into how large life changes outside of our control effect our sense of self and how we can reclaim that to the best of our abilities. We utilize the current events as a lens sharing how our lives have personally been affected and what our new normals look like, the difficulties, the profound causes for hope, as well as how to make…

We recorded this episode about togetherness and celebrations before the Corona Virus decended on us, sorry about that, but its still full of good content about how to handle birthdays with partners, friends and metamores, as well as a celebration of Mandee Conant’s actual birthday (Happy Birthday Mandee).…

This week we talk about the difficult but ever-present issue of sharing social spaces with ex partners, as well as navigating how to handle the possibility of getting back together with an ex years later.Di Probably Poly

This week Chanee Jackson Kendall cofounder of Black Poly Pride drops by to tell us about their Black Poly History push for Black History Month as well as tell us all about Black Poly Pride and discuss other issues about being black and poly. Please check them out on whatever digital engagement works best for you and support them if you can. Website…

As Valentines approaches we discuss internet dating options, how to set up your profile to maximize matches, and why you probably don’t want to, as well as how to manage NRE for a safer more consistent ride at the beginning of those new relationships.Di Probably Poly

This week we had two wonderful listener questions but they were both too long to be an intro and not long enough to be full episodes so we paired them together to get one full episode. What do you say when someone asks you to tell them if they are poly or not? For that matter how do you know you are poly? Thats the meat of the first half of the epi…

In this episode we discuss, well basically every facet of effort and reviving effort, or gratitude. We look at why we might be resentful of how our effort is received, how receiving too much effort might be difficult, how it’s likely that everyone in the relationship is working much harder than you realize and much more. So join us for a deep dive …

In this episode we use the holidays as a framing device to do a pretty deep dive into when and how it is morally acceptable to lie. We hit the whole range from big potentially life saving lies down to little white lies and even if lies meant to improve the wonder of children like Santa Clause are really super helpful. We hope you are having a wonde…

This week Angel Kalafatis-Russell aka Professor Sex of ProfessorSex.com joins us to discuss the ethics of STI testing, treatment, and disclosure. As well as best safe practices for safer sex and STi testing. This super long pre-holiday episode features our new sound software made possible by the generous donations of our listeners. Thank you so muc…

However, I finished this episode after working at 15 hour shift installing tile, that is how much I love all of you. But if there are any mistakes or glitches please let me know and I will fix them ASAP because I need sleep far more than I need to review this episode right now. This week one of the other cofounders of Young Poly Carolina’s drops by…

One of the questions we get the most is what books we’d suggest for new listeners and for further reading. This week Mandee, Sarah and I bring our best book recommendations and discuss what we recommend and why. Later this week we will be posting this link and updating it in the future to be an ongoing reading resource. If we missed your favorite b…

This week Sarah Neal drops by again to help us tackle our first stab at the topic of cheating. We look at why people might cheat and how that might be different in a non-monogamous setting. We also look at how to handle cheating if it happens to you or you are engaged in cheating. And as usual Sarah and I tend to disagree at first but find some con…

This week we respond to a listener question about how to work with neurodivergent members of our communities in a way that benefits everyone. We are particularly excited to have my friend Louis who identifies as having Aspergers stops by to give some guidance and react to our suggestions. After we published this episode we were contacted by a conce…

ost people say they have it, but have you ever asked yourself what you mean when you say you have free will, what it means, or why it might matter? These questions are extremely important and we hope you’ll join us in exploring them.Citations:Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy entry on Free Will: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/freewill/…

This week we talk in depth about the origins and functions of moral language, words like “good” and “evil”, “bad” and “good”. These sorts of questions are very important when thinking about how to judge others, how to forgive ourselves, and how to understand the burgeoning transformative justice movement.Citations: Article about the issues of belie…

Short version: We’ve got a survivor pod update and we talk about the seemingly ever present one eggplant policy. Long Version: Its way past my bedtime and I can’t think of a teaser. So I’m gonna try something new and let the first person in our community who sends me a reasonable teaser text get their teaser used (with attribution and thanks listed…

oin us this week as we looks at why we explain why we don’t talk as much about metamour ethics as maybe you think we should, and what we mean when we say intentional metamours. In addition to the main topic we also spend some time answering our first international listener inquiry as to why we endorse the terms ethical non-monogamy as the main comm…

NRE With Multiple Partners by Probably PolyDi Probably Poly

Our 30th episode was taped live at APW with our fans. We discuss the structure of jealously and answer listener questions directly in this extra long extra live episode.Citations:- Handbook of Jealousy (book) Edited by Sybil L. Hart and Maria Legerstee- A Perfect Mess (book)Eric Abrahamson and David H. Freeman…

This week we talk about how NRE (New Relationship Energy) highjacks your body and mind. We deal with questions about how you can lessen its effects, and if you could avoid it all together. Or if, you’re into NRE how to ride it in a safer more ethical fashion. We also discuss how NRE temporarily bridges the social energy gaps between introverts and …

(if unclear: meme meant ironically)In the last few weeks the first two responses from Franklin Veaux’s “accountability pod” and a veritable cornucopia of new material from Polyamory’s #metoo Survivor Pod has been released. Join us as we take a look. (new minute markers)00:00 - introduction00:18 - notes and corrections04:35 - main story33:29 - outré…

In this episode we introduce our new format, discuss the newly released survivor stories from the polyamory’s #metoo survivor pod, and look at why we blame. Specifically, we look at when and how blame is useful and healthy, when it’s not, and why and how we can remove blame as much as possible from our relationships. Survivor Stories: https://polya…

Join us for our 1-year anniversary, as we discuss how members of leadership can more safely engage in relationships with community members. We are also very lucky to enjoy some words of wisdom from Samantha Manewitz, our guest on the last podcast, for additional depth. This is a great episode and we hope you all enjoy it.We also now have a donation…

This week we are incredibly excited to have had the opportunity to talk with Samantha Manewitz of the Polyamory’s Me Too Survivor Pod. Unfortunately, the master recording for this episode has some glitches that cause small pops and jumps. We apologize for the slightly lower then average quality of the recording but the content is well worth the gli…

This week we cover the newest Polyamory’s #MeToo Survivor Pod update. Then we address how to find the line between telling others about your own experiences and violating the privacy of others.March Update: https://medium.com/@fv.survivor.pod/march-updates-from-the-fv-survivor-pod-60ae06a97949Harms List: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Jhk7nlq71dz…

This week we discuss evaluating who and when you should come out to with our guest Sarah Neal who provides a set of questions you can ask yourself as a framework to understand the risks rewards and options available to you around coming out.Di Probably Poly