S1 Ep9: The Care Homes

Our Dads Died

Care homes. What actually happens in them? What happens when someone dies in a care home? What happens to their body? How do carers deal with the grief of losing people and yet stay positive? How does a person swallow a leaf?
These are the questions we attempt to answer this week when we're joined by anarchic comic Pope Lonergan, who tells us what it's like working in a care home, as well as his own personal experiences with difficult times.
This episode continues references to death (of course), as well as suicide and self harm. Listeners who just want to hear the intro and outro can skip to the 56 minute mark after the intro.
Show notes:
Introduction: 0:00
Show starts with Pope Longergan: 2:19

• Working in Kenya for 9.5 years, then full-time in comedy.
  
• Care in Kenya.
  
• Dealing with the death of a loved one.
  
• How to deal with personal loss.

A lack of grief counselling: 6:01

• No grief counselling in private equity-run care homes.
  
• Body horror in the care home.
  
• The "one out, one in" system.
  
• The death of a resident.
  
• Us just constantly apologising to you for alienating you.
  
• Bodily fluids and bodily fluids.

Being alone in a room with a corpse: 13:50

• The enduring love of Ian McEwan.
  
• The strangest part of being alone with a corpse.
  
• The importance of being aware of silence.

How to talk about death and grief with humour: 17:23

• Why Pope decided to call someone fat after they died.
  
• Laughing helps.
  
• Inappropriate memories of death and dark comics.
  
• How to deal with grief.

You can’t force people to respond, you have to allow them to: 23:01

• Giving people permission to laugh and cry.
  
• Death Toboggans.
  
• Three different deaths in one year.
  
• Waiting for the end of life.

How to deal with the possibility of death: 28:07

• Pope's mum died, technically.
  
• Worried about death, but not scared of it.

Discussion of self-harm and suicidal thoughts: 32:45

• Slipping into a pastoral drawing or oil painting.
  
• The weirdo who ended up vomiting up a fully intact Autumn leaf.
  
• The girl was a pariah.
  
• Highlight of the week, sneezing out a whole grape.

What’s happening in the world: 39:19

• Samuel Beckett's favourite philosopher (no, really)
  
• Sweet nugget of sweet corn.
  
• Symbiotic connection between the far-away god and Chinese god (no, really).
  
• Praying to a little bit of god.

Moments of engagement with patients: 43:40

• Moments of engagement, moments of tenderness.
  
• One of Pope's favourite moments.
  
• The dehumanisation of older people in care homes.
  
• The rise of social care rhetoric.
  
• How Pope deals with death.
  
• How to deal with death when someone close to you dies.

How to deal with the loss of a loved one without thinking about them all the time: 52:36

• The two approaches to dealing with grief.
  
• The importance of having a coffee first.
  
• The three ways of dealing with death.
  
• The importance of capturing the little details.

Outro: 56:00

• The practicalities of eating leaves.
  
• Pope is amazing, and has written a book.
  
• How you can help this podcast.
  

Music by Plumtree.