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Hilda's Shoulder

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Welcome to Hildas Shoulder Pod cast.I am particular about Nigerian (Naija) relationships and marriages. If you are intending to marry a Nigerian or married to one I do hope my podcasts arm with knowledge to enjoy it better!
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Sometimes we fall in Love, not with the person ,but with the idea of falling in Love,we may also marry because of the idea of marriage and not really for the right / good reasons.Through self knowledge - knowing who are are and what we really want, is the first step in nurturing a lasting marriage or relationship.…
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Culture and religion have and still play roles in the level of acceptance of domestic abuse by women. Toxic shame and ostracisation are some of the fears that women have ,that prevents them from leaving abusive marriages. This should end! Women should not value averting shame over their lives!
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Talking about being with someone or being married to them means amongst others ,understanding where they are coming from . Childhood experiences make their mark on people. When the experience is bad - abusive the effects continue into adulthood. The negative words / abuse by parents become a jury and executioner in the lives of children and which m…
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For some men the mention of the period is a turn off.Some of them don’t let their women cook or sleep with them on the same bed. For some women they feel a sense of shame and are very secretive about their periods. Loving a woman means loving her warts and all and distancing yourself from her because she is in her period.…
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Introspection and assessment of all our relationships is key in order for us to reach our personal goals. Sometimes we may be the cause of the continuous downward spiral in our relationships or marriages.Sometimes we need professional help.Sometimes breaking up or getting seperated or divorced is the only way out.…
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Vicarious shame is hurled on the shoulders of single matured women, separated women and most especially Divorced Women in Nigeria.Living under toxic shame compromises our feeling of self worth and mental health. Living with shame doesn’t stop at us. If women do not take care, the shame will be inherited by our children. Naija Woman who is Divorced,…
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The embers of a Narcissism keep burning the more you kow -tow and make yourself and almost invisible.They are most concerned about their own image and have little time to worry about you! Being with a narcissist is very emotionally trying.The Narcissist is a manipulator and can make you feel that you aren't giving enough or doing right by them. If …
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In the last few days social and mass media has been agog with report of investigation of BBC into the matter of sexual assault by 2 lecturers in Nigeria and Ghana. It was an exposé! I have some things to say about the role that our culture and values play in condoning the matter of sexual assault generally and what we can do as a country to prevent…
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This podcast is inspired by #metoo. In Nigeria like many other parts of the world womens reaction to rape is often of shame.The shame is such an issue that many remain silent because society and custom make them feel they somehow had in a hand in it. When women maintain that siĺence,the society is worse of for it.…
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Naija Women are put into a strait jacket by culture and the media.Culture plays a tune that it expects the Naija woman to dance to whether she wants to or not or whether she is fit or not. Many women are in a living death of a Marriage because they fear the shame and ridicule society will mete out on them and their children-and so they stay on. Is …
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Naija Women do a lot of things that their male counterparts do.There is a still a big divide between what a husband can do and what a wife can do.One of those things is for a wife to have a male or male friends. Our culture isn't too excited about that,whether the friendship is platonic or not. Technology has made it easy for women to have friends …
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The security of being a married woman often causes many married woman to feel they have "arrived" socially and that there is no need to stress themselves for the attention of their husbands.That's so wrong! Doing so leaves room for the other woman to take hold of your husband.With the internet,books, training and wise counsel hustle,chase and charm…
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Abuse can be to body or mind.It is prevalent all over the world.Many a time when we look through cultural eyes, we are unable to decipher abuse, even when we are the ones experiencing it.Abuse is not an option!It is inhuman.When it is done where children it sets up a stage for the emergence of new abusers and new abused.let's fight abuse in Naija!…
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Culture ,religion in Naija stifles sexual expression and creativity.Women are the worse off.The Naija Man has his way of expressing himself sexually.Many women feel the need to keep suppressing what they really want sexually feom the men afraid to be seen as "useless or loose"The Naija woman must begin to live her sexual dream.opened a and honesty …
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Trust is a very big deal for couples because of their past relationships and what they have heard people do to others.Trust unfortunately cannot be bought with money and does not grow on trees. It is something that is deliberately worked at. Each party must be vulnerable to other if there is really trust. The more the vulnerability the more the Tru…
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