162 | Built to Birth - Priya & Harsh Gandhi

Birth Stories in Color

With the culmination of a marriage biodata form, a year of cyberstalking, and the power of liquid courage Priya and Harsh finally connected. After a short courtship, they would marry during the Covid-19 pandemic. The couple found out they were expecting their first child while still managing the pandemic and the challenges it would bring to their parenthood journey. They were committed to learning how to prepare for birth.

Priya would experience intense fatigue during the first trimester, depending heavily on support from her sister for guidance and an empathetic employer for grace. The second-trimester energy provided an opportunity to front-load her work to prepare for maternity leave. Harsh and Priya researched and prepared for their birth and postpartum; they felt empowered by their education. Additionally, Priya continued to exercise throughout the pregnancy. They filled their knowledge gaps utilizing books, podcasts, and a birth class. She engaged in collecting gently used baby items to lower the costs of welcoming their little one using a “buy nothing group.” Harsh was focused on keeping Priya happy and setting the family up for success. His mother was critical in maintaining a steady supply of prepared meals for them during pregnancy and in the postpartum period. Intentional postpartum planning included a traditional Indian baby shower that helped them feel supported.

Due to the nature of the pandemic and limited access to additional hospital guests, Harsh took on the task of learning doula skills. He studied physiological birth and ways to manage the birthing space, which included the BRAIN acronym (Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Instinct or Intuition, and Nothing). These skills were instrumental in making decisions for Priya and baby as shifts arose.

On the day labor started, they tested their new skills and managed laboring at home until they suspected a ruptured membrane (her water broke). Because they were unsure of the leak, they contacted the hospital and planned to make their way in to check and bring their bags in case they needed to stay. They were informed that it was hospital policy to keep patients whose membranes had ruptured regardless of their stage of labor. Priya and Harsh kept busy by having a dance party and keeping Priya active as much as possible to help the baby engage and progress. Harsh was attentive and helped Priya build her oxytocin levels. She recounted the magical feelings she had with him being there. Their partnership was in full bloom in the birthing space. Harsh describes his most important job as maintaining the order of operations for comforting Priya. It included supporting her breathing, music & dancing, her favorite crepe cake, and a “push” gift.

After realizing that each nurse on duty had a different skill set, taking ownership of her labor would help them get back in the driver’s seat of their care. Priya recalled her Built to Birth class resources that reminded her to stay active even with an epidural. She enlisted Harsh and tried to enlist the nurses to help support position changes but was met with resistance. She eventually allowed her body to rest and prepare for the next stage of labor. Harsh’s vantage point allowed him to see kind caregivers who weren’t trained to promote natural physiological birth. He also realized that he was the only man in the room and his voice felt small in this space. He didn’t feel he had a right to tell everyone (including Priya) to pause and bring attention back to their birth plan and preferences. He’s confident that other men feel the same way and would benefit from having a female doula to advocate in the room to help slow down the pace.

After 3-4 hours of pushing and intense back pain, Priya’s provider recommended a surgical birth. Harsh and Priya agreed that after discussing their case and acknowledging all of the hard work she had put in, to make an empowered decision to have a surgical birth. Harsh praised the caregiver team as the surgery was efficient and smooth. They met their son and gently bonded with him as Priya continued to receive care.

Immediately postpartum, they surprisingly discovered that their doctor had a horrible bedside manner. They had experienced being rushed at prenatal appointments but had considered it a system issue. However, they felt dismissed after asking the provider for more information about her body during and after surgery. She recommended they watch a YouTube video as she couldn't explain her eight years of medical experience.

Postpartum is going well. Family care supported the first six months after the baby was born. They have developed a playbook and contribute to it as the family shifts, and their baby grows. It keeps them connected and helps balance the parenting load gap.

Their advice for expectant and new parents… ask for help, accept the support, stay out of work for as long as possible, access physical therapy, and involve the non-birthing partner in everything.

(BSiC TIP- You can sign an Against Medical Advisement (AMA) form to leave a hospital if you determine that is what is best for you.)

Resources:

Built to Birth | online evidence-based childbirth education class