012: What kind of F*er are you? The four stress responses

How To Be a Terrible Daughter

What happens when the place that's supposed to feel the safest—your childhood home—turns out to be the source of your deepest stress? Your nervous system does what it’s designed to do: it kicks into survival mode. In this episode, inspired by Megan’s viral blog post, we explore the four common stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and the lesser-known (but all-too-familiar) fawn. If you’ve ever felt like making yourself small was the only way to keep the peace, you’re not alone. We’re unpacking how these responses show up in daily life, especially for those of us raised by narcissistic parents. Why do you freeze in conflict or feel like every interaction requires you to earn your worth? It’s not you—it’s a pattern handed down from the narcissist in your life, and we’ll examine it with our signature mix of candid insights, a little sarcasm, and a lot of empathy. This episode is your reminder to approach yourself with the love and care you didn’t get as a kid. Your nervous system isn’t broken—it’s been working overtime to keep you safe. Together, we’ll learn how to support it in a healthier way, one step at a time. Healing isn’t something we do alone, so let’s figure it out together.

We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]!

What We Cover In This Episode:

• A rundown of the four common stress responses and some of the scientific jargon behind this topic [4:50] • Some examples of the fight response and an example from Elizabeth’s childhood that demonstrates this [6:40] • When the flight response that you use to get out of a situation can get problematic [8:03]

• The most commons ways that people experience the freeze response in modern society [18:30] • What fawning or appeasing is, examples of this type of response and the reasons why people do it [21:24]

• Which of these responses tend to become developed in children of narcissists [26:12]

• Why it’s so important to become aware of these responses and to do your best to remain in a state of self-compassion throughout [32:32]

• Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs”: how Megan’s freeze response was completely misunderstood and used by her mom and a recurring dream/nightmare that Elizabeth had when younger [39:48]

• The tools that got us through this week, including pancakes and win-win dog play [57:12]

Links & Resources:

Megan’s Blog Post

Penny's Instagram