It's 2022 and We've Exhausted the American Serial Killer Canon

I Survived Theatre School

Intro: Boz celebrates an important milestone, hoping for the best and preparing for the worst, when your therapist doesn't talk, when your therapist falls asleep, approach avoidance.
Main Course: We don't believe in resolutions, Danish serial killers, The Chestnut Man, skiing, Elizabeth Holmes, The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Sante Fe New Mexico, Heder, control issues, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Cobra Kai, reliably good chuckles.
FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited):
2 (10s):
And I'm Gina poli-sci.

1 (11s):
We went to theater school together. We survived it, but we didn't quite understand.

2 (15s):
20 years later, we're digging deep talking to our guests about their experiences and trying to make sense

1 (20s):
If at all we survived theater school and you will too. Are we famous yet?

2 (35s):
Happy new year. Let's just for a moment for 20, 22. Do we need to

1 (42s):
Please, please? Just like, I mean sort of just like, can we just, I really do sympathize with like, or relate to people or like, don't make any sudden moves. Like, let's just, let's just see how it goes, but, you know, and my mom used to say like, expect the worst hope for the best expect the worst, which is so indicative of why my childhood was probably so confusing. But, but you, you, because really you can't do both. Like I was thinking that we cannot, as humans live in that that's crazy making, so it's sort of like we have to choose and I'm going to choose the hope, but I'm not going to be totally shocked if shit goes wrong.

2 (1m 29s):
Right, right. I mean, I think maybe like an adjustment to that would be, you know, your expectations can strangle you to death. So keep your expectations in check, like yeah. Maybe, you know, hope for the best and, and, and know that, you know, it's just a hope and, and it, and it's not a guarantee. And, you know, so when the shit hits the fan it's, or maybe the better thing is like, everything is as it should be in any given

1 (1m 60s):
The real deal, it's

2 (2m 1s):
The real deal. Which, you know, I I've said that to a few people in my life recently, who've been like, Hmm, no, that's, I'm not doing that. I'm not which I understand. And I relate to it and it's a new concept for me, but that's what I'm trying to do right now is I'm trying to say like, everything is as it should be. And

1 (2m 19s):
I mean, what, what 'cause, if, if, if not, like, I think it's interesting because when I, I remember when I got my master's in counseling psych and I went to this, you know, woo hippy dippy school, and one of the things was, yeah, everything is happening the way it's supposed to be happening. And I remember having this conversation with my sister who was like a real and still sort of is like a social justice warrior type and like, you know, equity type. And she was like, that is not true. Like my students who don't have anything, that's not how it is as it should be. And here's the thing, here's the thing. I don't think. I think that I need help in any way and be of service in the ways I feel I need to be of service.

1 (3m 4s):
And what is happening is fucking happening in the moment.

2 (3m 10s):
You could

1 (3m 11s):
Fucking pretend all you want, but if it's happening, then it's happening. Like that's how I feel. Yeah.

2 (3m 17s):
Yeah. And it actually, in some ways you're better equipped to help things get better when you start from the place that it's happening. I mean, cause even just starting from the place of like, it shouldn't be happening. Yeah. I relate to the impulse, but at the same time, it's a little bit of wasted steps. They're like, you just go right to, okay. Well, it's not really for me to decide if it's good or bad or indifferent, you know, it's, if I can do something about it, I should.

1 (3m 44s):
Yeah. And I feel like, yeah. And I also want to say, and thank you for talking after our interview as well to be, but I wanted to say like a year ago today I was in the hospital. So I feel really. Yeah. So that was just, oh my God, it's bringing up all this stuff about like I was talking in therapy yesterday. I like my therapist. It's interesting. She doesn't say a lot. And at first I'm like, you're not doing enough, but she's the first female older figure in my life who has allowed me the space to sort of just talk and then she does interject, but I am so used to wanting, it's not even so much approval, but someone to step in and, and tell me what to do or like more, just give me their feedback.

1 (4m 42s):
But I think that she's doing at first, I thought, is she like, literally she dumb or like what's happening here. But I think that she's doing it on purpose. Like I think there is a method to her madness or to her, whatever she's doing, because it's allowing me to, she's not giving me any answers. And I really look to that for someone to take charge because my, you know, my parents did it, but like I'm an adult and that's not her job is not to take charge of me as a therapist.

2 (5m 13s):
I will say that it's such a fine line because did I ever tell you about the analyst I had? Who fell asleep?

1 (5m 21s):
Yeah. That's not good.

2 (5m 23s):
I mean,

1 (5m 25s):
That's not good.

2 (5m 26s):
That was fascinating. And it wasn't, no, it wasn't good, but, but okay. Now I'm going to argue against my own point. But even then it was like, okay, he fell asleep, like apropos of like, okay, this is what it is. When are you going to do about it? Because the, what I did about it as I left treatment, instead of saying, what the fuck, man, I'm paying you $250 and you're asleep. Right? Like what's the matter with you? Because, because that could have helped him too. Like we could have all benefited, but I just ran away, which is the thing I have done my whole life. And then I'm really consciously trying to work against. And it's hard. It's hard to approach where you have wanted to avoid.

1 (6m 6s):
Yes. Yes. And I, so she, she's very, she's listening cause we're on zoom and she's like, but she doesn't, it's interesting. She doesn't see that much. And we talked about it and she's like, well, what would you want me to say? And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. I'm not even sure that it's, that it's a bad or a negative thing. I'm just noticing. And she said, yeah, you know, you don't have a lot of experience with, with older mother type figures, just letting you have your space. And

2 (6m 37s):
I was like, just letting you be

1 (6m 40s):
Also it's $8 a session. Like my insurance covers a lot of it. So I'm grateful for that. And she's so anyway, but we were, I was probably talking about that in therapy. About a year ago today I was in the hospital and how life-changing, that was for me and how lucky I feel, not so much that it happened, but that the team that I had was so non shaming.

2 (7m 6s):
Yeah. Yeah. And your health has steadily improved and you're in such a better place now, thank God. Congrats to you. I'm grateful that you I'm grateful that you, you know, survived that and that you've persisted and, and really taken on. You've taken on the task of whatever it is you need to do to not be in.

1 (7m 25s):
Yeah. Thank you. Also, is that the sweatshirt I gave you? Yes.
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