Burger Cat

Just Passing Through Podcast

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Episode 160

In a shocking and bizarre turn of events, reports have emerged that immigrants crossing the U.S. border are opting to eat cats and dogs rather than risk a meal at Burger King. The reason? According to some, the food at Burger King is just that bad.

One anonymous source close to the situation explained, "Look, these people have been through hell to get here. They’ve faced harsh conditions, crossed dangerous terrain, and survived on almost nothing. But once they set foot in the U.S., they’re confronted with the so-called 'food' at Burger King, and frankly, they’re saying ‘no thanks.’"

Rumors have swirled about the quality of food at the popular fast-food chain, with one recent immigrant reportedly stating, "I’ve eaten things you wouldn’t believe to survive, but I draw the line at that Whopper. I saw the sign, I smelled the grease, and I decided my best bet was catching a stray cat instead. At least that’s fresh."

Another, trying to blend into American culture, took a bite of a Burger King chicken sandwich but had an immediate change of heart. "I thought, ‘This is what Americans eat? I’ve been lied to.’ My friend had better luck grilling a street dog behind the parking lot. A little seasoning, and it was way better than that so-called burger."

The trend has sparked a wave of confusion among Burger King locations near the border, where staff have noticed a sudden drop in immigrant customers. One manager in El Paso commented, "I don’t get it. We’re offering them a flame-grilled experience, but they’re heading off to catch pigeons and stray animals instead. It’s disheartening."

The immigrants’ newfound preference for street food over fast food has raised eyebrows across the nation. One nutritionist weighed in, saying, "Look, I’m not saying eating cats and dogs is a healthy choice, but after looking at the sodium and fat content in some of these fast-food meals, I can see why they’re making that decision."

Meanwhile, local shelters have seen a rise in missing pets, with one border town vet joking, "Who knew the secret to avoiding fast food indigestion was just a little bit of fur?"

Burger King, in response to the unexpected PR nightmare, has released a statement assuring customers that their food meets “strict safety guidelines” and does not pose the risk of the "gastrointestinal adventures" reportedly being caused by street cuisine.

But the immigrants, fresh off their perilous journeys, seem to have made up their minds. As one weary traveler put it, "I’ve eaten some strange things to get here, but after that trip, I just can’t do a Whopper. I’d rather take my chances with the alley cats."

Whether this becomes a lasting trend or simply another chapter in the complex world of immigration and food remains to be seen. But one thing is certain: when it comes to fast food, even after enduring the harshest conditions, some immigrants are saying, "No thanks, Burger King. I’ll stick to the street menu."
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