Episode 20 - Trust: Once burnt twice shy?

Letters to my kids: A suicide survivor's lessons and advice for life

Trust: Once burnt twice shy?

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. Cohen From the Free Music Archive Released under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

Trust—the act of placing confidence in someone or something else—is a fundamental human experience, necessary for society to function and for any person to be relatively happy. Without it, fear rules.

If you can sense that someone will hurt you, you’re probably right. They probably will hurt you.

Your heart and your head will wage a civil war within you, and though all of your practical sensibilities will encourage — no, will urge — your head to secede, your heart will prevail in this scenario.

"To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float." Alan Watts

Here’s three common reasons that hold you back from trusting others: 1. You have a low propensity to trust – Our propensity to trust is based on many factors, chief among them being our personality, early childhood role models and experiences, beliefs and values, culture, self-awareness and emotional maturity.

2. You have unrealistic expectations – Unrealistic, unspoken, and unclear expectations are a primary cause for low or broken trust in relationships, and the higher the expectations the more likely it is they won’t be met. Clarifying expectations is preventative medicine when it comes to trust.

3. Past hurts hold you back – Hurt people, those who have been hurt by broken relationships in the past often hurt other people in a dysfunctional form of self-protection.

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new" - Albert Einstein

Everyone has uncertainty about whom to trust, how much to trust, when not to trust, and so forth at one time or another. In fact, every day we make choices about whom and how much to trust, and sometimes we are more willing to trust than at other times.

Signs that a person may be excessively mistrustful include:

A total lack of intimacy or friendships due to mistrust Mistrust that interferes with one's primary relationship Several intensely dramatic and stormy relationships in a row or at once

Mistrust is a valid and reasoned response to feeling betrayed or abandoned, but a person's life can be adversely affected when feelings of mistrust are pervasive, resulting in anxiety, anger, or self-doubt.

"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough" - Frank Crane

The problem with thinking that people aren’t trust worthy If you believed in any idea then your subconscious mind will gather for you all the clues that proves this idea true.

If a girl thinks that she should never trust a guy then her subconscious mind will let her fall in love with a liar who will then cheat on her just to prove to her that she should not trust anyone.

That’s why some women tend to always get into abusive relationships. Because they think that all men are abusers their subconscious minds always finds them abusive guys to support their beliefs.

How to Trust people Again

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them" - Ernest Hemingway

Whenever you have problems trusting someone ask yourself these questions, if someone wasn’t trust worthy does this mean that the whole world is not? If I had a car accident one day does this mean that I should not cross the street anymore?

Whenever you find yourself prejudging others remind yourself that your subconscious mind can prove this idea even if it was false. The only way you can find the truth about people is avoiding any kind of bias, only then you will discover who is really trust worthy and who isn’t . Allow others to trust you by being honest. People who cheat on others and who lie often usually have problems trusting others because they think that everyone else is going to be like them.

"Love all. Trust a few. Do wrong to none." William Shakespeare