Loving their potential, not their reality: 3 things to watch out for

Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab

Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

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In this discussion, we're exploring the recurring question of whether someone is in love with the reality of their relationship or if they're enamored with the potential of their partner. The speaker delves into scenarios where individuals might be facing challenges and repeating patterns in their relationships. The central question posed is whether one loves their partner for who they are or if they're holding onto an idealized vision of what the partner could become.

The talk emphasizes three key considerations:

1. Love Bombing and Grand Gestures: The speaker urges listeners to examine if there has been an element of love bombing in the relationship, where partners shower each other with extravagant affection, possibly masking underlying insecurities. Grand gestures, while appealing, may not be sustainable or reflective of day-to-day reality.
2. Self-Esteem and Acceptance of Bad Behaviors: The discussion highlights the impact of low self-esteem on the perception of worthiness in a relationship. Individuals with insecurities might put their partners on pedestals, accepting harmful behaviors because they feel deserving of such treatment. This leads to tolerating difficulties in the hope of achieving potential future happiness.
3. Neurological Processing of Reality: The speaker explores how the brain might blur the line between reality and imagination. The subconscious defense mechanisms could come into play, emphasizing positive characteristics and downplaying negative aspects, creating an exaggerated, idealized version of the partner.

The advice is to step back, evaluate day-to-day interactions, and consider if the relationship aligns with one's values and provides stability. The speaker encourages self-reflection and seeking professional support if necessary, emphasizing the importance of embracing the reality of the relationship for true growth and improvement.

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