167. Letting Go of Negative Feedback and What Other People Think

The Mindful Healers Podcast with Dr. Jessie Mahoney and Dr. Ni-Cheng Liang

It’s normal to be uncomfortable, sad, angry, and frustrated when you receive negative feedback and reviews. It’s normal to want to defend yourself, explain why they’re wrong, and try to convince them otherwise.

With mindfulness, self-compassion, and coaching, you can change your relationship with negative feedback. You can learn to choose to respond in less reactive, more constructive, and healthier ways.

Self-compassion is key.

Negative feedback and reviews make you upset because you care and are human. “Of course” you want people to like you and appreciate you. And “of course” they won’t always. It is impossible for all human beings that meet you, to like you and approve of you. Accept and not like it and accept and allow it to be tender with kindness. Resisting reality is “expensive”!

What else can help?

1. Pause & Breathe

2. Respond not react

3. Accept that “Of course” you want to defend and correct.

4. Consider “it should be different and you can still make a difference.

5. Accept and not like that not everybody will like you. You don’t actually like everyone.

6. As inherent people pleasers and those who fear rejection, negative reviews will always be painful. Your work is to make them less so.

7. Accept and allow someone to have a bad opinion of you. “Of course” it feels awful and frustrating. “Of course there are negative nellies/black cloud people out there

8. Remember that the feedback of others is out of your control AND will of course trigger your over-responsibility tendencies. Focus on what is in your control: how you respond, what you do/say/think/feel/tone & energy with which you do it.

9. Stay out of catastrophizing. It likely won't have any significant impact. Most people won't ever see it. 99% time does not have any impact on your life.

10. Notice and Have compassion for the imposter syndrome, blame, shame, guilt, perfectionist, and over personalizing tendencies that will of course arise. You are in amazing company if your immediate reaction is “what did I do wrong to make them not like me?”

11. Stay authentic to yourself, and trust yourself as a good healer. Trying to please patients does not lead to better health outcomes. In the Archives of Internal Medicine in 2012 in an article written by Fenton et al, patients with the highest satisfaction scores had lower odds of ED visit, but higher odds of inpatient admission, higher expenditures inclusive of drug expenditures and higher mortality.

Tenets of mindfulness that can help

• Noticing

• Self-compassion

• Patience and perspective

• Acceptance

• Attention & Intention

• Non judgment

• Letting Go

• Curiosity

• Generosity

If you struggle with negative feedback and reviews and find it hard to let go of what others think about you, you are not alone.

Coaching and mindfulness are the path to peace. Reach out for 1:1 or small group coaching. It's a gamechanger. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/coaching

Struggles with negative feedback and what other people think is also a common topic at retreats. Change your relationship with negative feedback while practicing yoga and eating delicious and nourishing food with amazing people. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats

If you would like to develop a mindfulness practice or would like a speaker for your group reach out to Jessie at www.jessiemahoneymd.com/work-with-me

or Ni-Cheng at www.awakenbreath.org

*Nothing in this episode should be considered medical advice.