WBW: Navigating Gender Issues in A Christian Marriage

The XY Code

Gender issues are a huge battle in the church today. And a battle in most marriages, even if a couple isn’t dealing with it openly. The problem is our varied ideas about “how women are” and “how they should be”. Many women feel they have been put in a box, and are expected to stay there. More and more women are questioning the validity of their box, which can cause all manner of turmoil.

I moved from one of the most “progressive” cities in the US to a conservative farming community, so I’ve seen a wide array of how folks live out gender issues in marriage. I’ve heard a variety of thoughts, from both men and women. Most folks have passionate opinions, and most have found a way to support their opinion with a bit of Bible. Fewer seem to have gone to the Bible to see what it actually says.

I have no desire to argue these issues here. Debates on these issues generate many comments, but never seem to change anyone’s mind.

What I really want is for you and your husband to agree on these issues. If you’re both on the same page, your marriage will benefit. If not, you will struggle. As hard as it is for me to say, I have found agreeing is more important than what you think. As long as you both freely think what you agree on, being of one mind will be a good thing for both of you. Major disagreements about these things cripple and kill marriages. It starts out minor, and then gets worse and worse as the years go by. All too often, things are beyond hope before the couple openly discusses their views on men and women.

If you haven’t hashed this out in your marriage, I urge you to do so. Be as loving as possible, and give huge amounts of grace. Your beliefs are deeply rooted, as are his. Odds are, much of what you each believe has never been subjected to thoughtful examination. These things tend to be more emotion based than logic based, and challenging them feels like a personal attack. Examining these issues takes courage, and changing them takes time.

Your husband may well be happy with how things are now. Or at the very least, he’s probably comfortable with things as they are. Your desire to rethink these issues is rocking the boat; there is no way around that. Sometimes rocking the boat is necessary, but even then, it’s unsettling.

Neither you nor your husband have this all figured out. You both have wrong ideas and misunderstandings. If you can wrestle with these issues in a loving and grace-filled way, you will both learn and grow. You may both be surprised by what God shows you. It is not an easy journey, but the destination is a wonderful place to live.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my views on women have changed significantly over the years.

[This post first appeared Oct 13, 2014.]

MAKE A DIFFERENCE: The devastation from Hurricane Helene is horrible! Want to help out? The West End Bakery in Asheville, NC is doing what folks used to do, helping their neighbours out of the goodness of their hearts. They decided to use what supplies they had on hand to make bread to give away. There is a Go Fund me to provide them money for more supplies so they can keep helping. As I write this, they are just short of halfway to the $100,000 goal. Please consider donating!

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.

The post WBW: Navigating Gender Issues in A Christian Marriage appeared first on The XY Code.