Should you leave your relationship or stay and work on it? These 6 questions will tell you...

Wholehearted: Love, Life + Intimacy

It took me months to decide to leave my last relationship.

There was so much good in it.

For a long time, I had thought I would spend the rest of my life with him.

I’d spent many phone calls with girlfriends discussing the situation, sessions with my therapist becoming clear and many attempts at conversation with my partner.

But clearly, there were things that weren’t working.

I thought if perhaps I tried harder… Or asked for what I needed in a different way… Or maybe if I just came to terms with him not being ‘perfect’… it might work.

But eventually I had to make the decision I’d known in my guts for months.

Our relationship was never going to be what I wanted it to be. And there were things missing that I couldn’t do without.

It still wasn’t easy.

If you’ve ever been sitting on the fence of leaving a relationship, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

No one gets into a relationship wanting it to end.

You invest so much, you wonder if you should just stay.

And then there’s other things…

Shame, not wanting to tell people it’s over, the hope that if you just try a little bit harder… and the practical things like the house, finances, the kids.

Last week Bec and I shared the 4 things that determine with 90% accuracy whether a relationship will succeed or fail and the 6 behaviours a happy, healthy relationship needs to survive.

So when the positive signs are missing… but the negatives are there in spades… How do you tell when it’s time to call it a day?

It’s a major myth that couples come to couples therapy to work on their relationship.

Many couples I begin working with in therapy don’t know whether they want to stay together when they first come to see me.

I help them through the process of determining whether they want to try to overcome the challenges and distance they’re facing.

In this episode, I’m sharing the questions and suggestions that I share with my clients who are making this decision… And the hard questions that we’ve had to ask ourselves too.

If you’re in the process of making this decision at the moment, our hearts are with you. We know it’s tough. Should you make this decision, tune in again for next week’s episode, when we'll be talking about how you recover and begin to move forward with your life again.

Love & Light,

Isiah & Bec