ADHDifference - MASKING

ADHDifference

Julie Legg and Jel Legg discuss the link between ADHD and masking - why, when and how we are likely to mask and unmask.
They chat about whether masking is intentional or unintentional, detrimental to our self-esteem, and why they feel it is deemed necessary in certain situations. They discuss how others perceive their masked behaviours, how masking can evoke feelings of being misunderstood, the Iceberg Theory and the times when unmasking has surprised or even shocked those around them.
Topics discussed in this episode:

• Definition of ‘masking’ from an ADHD perspective.
• Why girls are more likely to mask than boys.
• The environments in which masking may occur most.
• ‘The standard narrative’: how you're expected to behave in certain situations, how societal groups function.
• The Iceberg Theory.
• Our ‘safe space’ where we can unmask and be ourselves.

Key takeaways:

• Girls are more likely to be covert in trying to hide their ADHD symptoms and mask very successfully, often to the detriment of their self-esteem. Boys tend to be more overt with their ADHD traits making them easier to spot.
• Masking is often used as a survival behaviour. A somewhat ‘toned down’ version of their authentic self (verbally and/or physically) is displayed in order not to be singled out in an environment where they just want to fit in.
• The mask cannot be worn 24/7 – eventually it comes off, whether accidentally or in the presence of those who are non-judgemental.
• To unmask means feeling safe enough to take off all the veneers and let yourself shine through. And while many neurotypical people may just say "What's the big deal? Just be yourself." There's a lot of reasons why that can be quite exhausting or nerve-racking after masking or partially masking for so long.
• Known as the Iceberg Theory (or Social Penetration Theory) often we will only show part of our whole (the ‘tip of the iceberg’ or the ‘outer layers of the onion’) thus protecting our deepest fears and vulnerabilities.

Links:

Julie is the author of THE MISSING PIECE: A Woman's Guide to Understanding, Diagnosing and Living with ADHD (Harper Collins, 2024).

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