Friendships Can Survive Hurt Feelings and Conflict: Shasta Nelson

Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Episode #102: Shasta Nelson, friendship expert extraordinaire, joins me to discuss how and why to be honest with friends when we're upset with them. Our friendships CAN survive tough conversations, hurt feelings, and conflict. AND, our overall social health will improve when we learn to get through the hard stuff with our friends.
Meet Shasta Nelson:

Shasta Nelson is a leading expert and author on social relationships, speaking across the country and facilitating events to build belongingness and human connection. She's a contributor to the Harvard Business Review and has been quoted in several publications, including Forbes, the New York Times, and TIME magazine; and she has been interviewed live on dozens of TV shows, such as the Today Show and Steve Harvey Show. Shasta's new podcast is Friendtimacy: More Fulfilling Friendships.
Some of the topics we covered:

• Conflict can be a portal to closeness once issues are addressed.
• Expressing a problem to friends gives them the opportunity to explain themselves. If you're not going to bring up your hurt feelings or your issue, it's on you to work on forgiveness even though your friend hasn't been given the opportunity to ask for forgiveness.
• When to let things go vs. when to be direct with your friend
• Vulnerability is important in friendships, which includes being honest with friends when you're upset with them and letting friends know where you're sensitive in general.
• When we feel lonely, scared, or nervous we look for reasons to confirm those feelings.
• The issue of parents overprotecting their kids from hurt feelings for so long that even into young adulthood their children cannot handle even the tiniest bit of friendship conflict.
• Friendship is a major investment in time, energy, and emotion. Being honest with a friend about an issue you're having with the friendship protects the time "investment" you've already made.
• How writing and talking about friendships affects Shasta's friendships (and I answered that one too).
• When a friendship is no longer worth fighting for
• Tough conversations get a little easier with practice and strengthen your health!

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