ABSOLUTE. UTTER. CHAOS with Youngmi Mayer

LadyHD

Comedian and podcast host Youngmi Mayer (Feeling Asian) joins Jenn to talk starting late, divorcing young, and mom’ing in a panic.

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FOLLOW YOUNGMI: Insta | Twitter | TikTok: @ymmayer

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PRODUCED BY LEFT HANDED RADIO: Insta | Twitter: @lefthandedradio

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Very rough, not proofread, episode transcript:

Jenn Welch 0:00 Hey friends If you liked ADHD and you want to support the podcast, go to patreon.com slash lady HD, there is tiers and levels and goodies and prizes. So check it out. This is where the theme song should go ba ba, ba ba ba, ba, ADHD. Oh my gosh, it's time I am here. I'm am I awake? I don't know, guys. It's lady HD, a podcast for distractible women. I'm your host, Jenn Welch I am. Ah, deep breath. That was more of an exhale. Okay, so I am here today with my guest who I'm so excited to have on the podcast. Because of for so many reasons, but especially because I won't get into it. But um, she has an amazing podcast called feeling Asian that she hosts with another very funny comedian named Brian Park. Um, and she is great. And everybody is clapping for you. Just a heads up. Everybody's so excited. It's like worrying, like the audience is so loud. It's guys. Here she is Youngmi Mayer. Yay. Hi.

Youngmi Mayer 1:12 Hi, john. How are you?

Jenn Welch 1:14 Oh my god. I'm here. How are you?

Youngmi Mayer 1:20 I'm really good. I um, I had I had a like a zoom work call today one zoom meeting and it you know, it ruined my entire life. I'm completely wiped out.

Jenn Welch 1:34 Yes. Was it same minute saying? Oh my god. Yeah. I if I have one thing on my to do list these days that involves interacting with another person. That's it. Like, I it's too much.

Youngmi Mayer 1:47 Yeah, it's done. It's over. Yeah. And then I knew that I would. I was gonna do this with you at six. So like, starting at four, I started like, spiraling and being like, I can't do it. I gotta lay down in bed and just get ready for 6pm. Doing

Jenn Welch 2:06 having, you don't have ADD? I don't know what you're talking about. I that's incredible. And yes, um, I Okay, before we get too far in, because I normally do this before we start and you might remember this from improv class, but um, I, I because we I like my conversations to be loosey goosey. And like, kind of just see where they go. So if at any point, we get to something where you're like, I don't want to talk about that, Jen. You can just yell boundaries. And I'll yell boundaries. And then we'll like cheer and move on. Because we celebrate boundaries in life. Okay, so that's just I'm putting that out there. So you know, if we get into anything weird, not like, I don't can't even imagine what we would get to that I would be like, but who knows? Some people have things where they're like, I don't want to talk about that in a podcast. You don't I mean, yeah,

Youngmi Mayer 2:55 I have no boundaries. So it's probably not going to happen. I would be shocked if it happened. Giving me that option.

Jenn Welch 3:03 Of course, of course, I'm. So we actually met a few years ago, when I was teaching improv, and you came in and you were a student. And you were so funny. Oh, you're so but you were so quiet. And I remember just being like, She's so funny. And then I remember you asking me like something about like, doing sketch comedy, or doing stand up and I was like, please do it, please do it, please do it. And then all of a sudden, I started seeing your name pop up everywhere. And I just have been like, over here just like kind of, not to be a creep. Okay, not to be a creep, but I've been, but I've been, you know, you keep track of certain people. And I've been over here just kind of like watching you like, like, blooming again, blossom, you know, and I it's just been so exciting to see. And I you're just like fucking killing it. And I think you're funnier than me. And, and that's true. I just want to put that out there. But like,

Youngmi Mayer 4:10 you're allowed to have your feelings but you know, that doesn't mean that they're true.

Jenn Welch 4:14 That's right. feelings aren't facts. But it's been so awesome to see cuz I just remember you being in class and and again, just like being this like, a quiet, like, certain students are just like quiet thunder, like, you know, like they're not that was like, outgoing. Like, I don't want to say you're not outgoing. Because clearly, you know, you know, whatever. But um, yeah, what Tell me tell me things.

Youngmi Mayer 4:41 You know what's so crazy Jen? I like so I had this like whole so I started comedy very late. I'm like, old I'm like 36 I started when I was 33. I think I was in your class. Yeah. And it's like something I wanted to do all my life and it was like the sort of like, like something happened in therapy where I had like enough. epiphany and I was like, I gotta do this now whatever, right? And then, and now I'm like very loud and extrovert I'm like comfortable doing stand up, I can talk in front of a room of people clip just been doing it for three years, which isn't that long, but I've just been doing it every day. But I I, for most of my life until I was 33. I was like the person that you were describing, I was just very quiet and never said anything. I was really shy and, you know, like, like, anxious all the time. And he never talks out loud. And so it's interesting to hear you say that, because I forget so often that that I've only recently like, sort of come out of my shell.

Jenn Welch 5:40 Yes. So here's that. Here's the thing that I don't tell you guys what I'm teaching. But I didn't start I may have mentioned this, but like, I didn't start doing improv. I was also a late joiner to The Club. I didn't start doing improv until I was 30. And I, I was writing comedy before that, but I avoided performing at all costs, because I hated being in front of people. And I hated like having to talk in front of a group. And, and I was so like, scared to like, talk in front of anybody. And then. And then I did improv, and I was like, holy shit. And then eventually, like, stand up was like what I wanted to be doing right. And that took me like, a few years to like, get there. So I didn't start stand up until I was 34. And, yeah, and I, I think I'm making assumptions. But I, I'm just going to talk about my experience. But when I started improv, also, it was because of a therapy session where we put together a SMART goal. And it like a SMART goal is like, specific, measurable. actionable, I think, realistic and timely, or something like that. Anyway, so so it was like, it's something you like, take an action on. It's realistic in like a reasonable amount of time. And so my SMART goal that we put together was for me to sign up for a level zero improv class. Oh, wow. Yeah. And that like, is just kind of like, what kicked it off. And I was. At that point, I was seven years into a while, I mean, three years into the marriage, but seven years into a very bad relationship. Wow. And so he was a musician, and everything revolved around him doing music. And so for me to like, do this was like a big deal. And that doing that class gave me confidence down the line, to be able to get out of that marriage and that situation. And like, basically, I don't even recognize who I was, anymore.

Youngmi Mayer 7:52 Well, you know, that's, that's also very similar. I wasn't in a horrible relationship, but I wasn't in a long term relationship. I was married. Yeah. And, and I was supporting his career to, uh huh. And it wasn't a bad like, he is fine. But I just didn't want that role in life, like the caretaker role. And I think we were so used to that being like me being like, his manager or something. And I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. And then we got divorced. And then like, around the same time, I think I got divorced right after starting your class, I think that fall or the next spring or something like that. So. So that's so interesting that we have so many similarities.

Jenn Welch 8:33 Yeah. Yeah. It's It's crazy how that like, and when I say it was like, a bad relationship. It was. It wasn't like, oh, he like MMA. I mean, yeah, yeah. But it was healthy for you. I was like, a shell of a person. Like, yeah, yeah. It was like a very, and a lot of it. Like, I mean, not a lot of it, but a big part of it was

Unknown 8:57 I

Jenn Welch 8:59 trying to, like, be a wife that he wanted me to be when I have ADHD and I'm constantly like, fighting against all of my, like, natural impulses to like, yeah, a wife who manages groceries and keeps the house clean and close and all of that stuff.

Youngmi Mayer 9:22 I like don't know, when I wake up, I wake up every single day in a panic. Not sure what's gonna happen. Yeah, it's like so bad. And you know, I have a son and it's, I feel bad because I feel like he has like, he has some like, not behavioral issues, but he has like, he struggles with certain things at school because I think because of me, you know, not not to like be too hard on myself. But like, the teacher will be like, well, when's his bath time I'm like, I don't know. I don't even I sometimes I give him a bath. And I'm just like, like, sometimes at 9am sometimes At 3pm I like I don't you don't I mean, yeah, when When does he go to bed? And I'm like, ah, I swear he's sleepy at night. I was like, it's for what I'm trying to fix that for him. But like, oh, but I wanted to say the thing about the Epiphany, the thing that I had in my therapy session, it was really crazy. Because you you said, like, you set like an actionable goal or something like that. Yeah. What happened for me was like, my entire life. I always wanted to do comedy, right? Yeah. And I had literally never told a single person in my entire life. And then one day in therapy, my therapist was like, well, like, we were like, discussing these problems that I had with like, my ex husband or whatever. And then one day, she, I just was like, I've always wanted to be a stand up comedian. She was like, that's so weird. I've like never heard you say anything like that. You've never even said anything close to ever wanting to perform. I just said it out loud. Yeah, I was like, just like, oh, like, that's so weird. I've never heard any like, literally, but in the back of my head. I've been thinking about it for my entire life. Like I just heard myself. And so I said out loud, and literally that next day, I signed up for like, open mics, and I just started doing them every day. And it was like, yeah, it's not crazy.

Jenn Welch 11:21 I love it. I know, right? It's like so scary to say that first thing I didn't tell anybody about the wanting to be a stand up thing until it was in 2004. When I told a friend while we were drunk at the Toronto Film Festival, I was working for a film studio at the time. And some friends of my husband, who are I mean, they weren't close friends, but he was acquaintances with the Lonely Island guys, Andy Samberg, and your Matt taccone. And the other guy. So they had just gotten hired on SNL. And I was so jealous and I didn't even want to be in SNL. I don't want to be on SNL, but I wanted to be doing comedy. And I just remember like drunkenly telling a co worker that I wanted to do stand up, and I was like, mortified that I even said anything. Words, you know, it was like, Oh, um, but I Yeah, and I think that there is something to be said about. I mean, at least in my experience, like, just because I got a late start, and because I know I want it so bad, because here's the thing like you. I mean, I'll speak for myself, but I think that you'll relate to this, like, we've had the experience in our adult life of not doing comedy. So no matter how bad comedy gets, it's never as bad as not doing comedy. Yes. I also, yeah.

Youngmi Mayer 12:55 spend the rest of my life doing open mics and get hooked on, like getting booked on a bar show. That's so exciting for me to. Like, I never even thought that I was allowed to do what I wanted to do, you know, like, to go to the back of a bar and someone's do stand up in front of three people. That's amazing.

Jenn Welch 13:17 And then those three people are gonna laugh at what I'm saying. And even if they don't laugh at what I'm saying, it's like, I it's like, Okay, well, that's still not worse than the worst, you know. Exactly. Yeah. I sometimes, like I just remember, like, maybe being around where you're at, in terms of like years having done comedy, and just walking around New York City and being like, in my head, like, I'm a comedian in New York City. I'm a comedian in New York City. And it's like, a lot of comedians are like, Oh, I suck. Oh, everything sucks. And I'm like, every day is a miracle. Like, every day that I am able to do this. It's like a miracle.

Youngmi Mayer 13:58 That's how I feel. I'm like, this is I'm so grateful. I have that kind of moment. The summer before quarantine, so I can two summers ago now. Where I was booked on the show at the UCB Hell's Kitchen like that big theater. Yeah. And it was summer, right? It was like June. And I was like wearing like a sun dress or something. And I was walking there. And I was like, kind of late. So I was like, get out of my way. I'm a comedian. And I was in that moment. I was like, Oh my God, look at me like I'm wearing a sun dress. I'm walking through like New York, Manhattan in the summer. And I'm going to this big theater where I'm going to perform. That was my one little moment I had. It's all downhill from there,

Unknown 14:41 baby.

Jenn Welch 14:43 Love it. I love it. Oh, it's so good. I'm so glad I've been like wanting to talk to you about this, like forever, but it's like is the conversation worth it if we're not recording it for an audience, you know, so I'm glad we're finally in. work. I leave finally. situate

Youngmi Mayer 15:01 that this is the first time we've talked since your class, right? So yeah, yeah, this is great. And then after we'll hang out.

Jenn Welch 15:08 Yes. We will go for walks in the city and I will get outdoors. What? What's your dog? What's up everybody? Just imagine right now that young is holding a dog.

Youngmi Mayer 15:18 A little Chihuahua. long haired Chihuahua. Her name is corn. Oh, and she's just beautiful bitch.

Jenn Welch 15:26 beautiful little bit. Oh my god. I love her. I love her. Yeah. Um, back to AD add. You told me you got right. What are we talking about? You told me you got diagnosed. I I swear to God every day when I wake up. It's like I'm reinventing. Like, everything like that. Like, it's not like, Oh, you wake up, you get in the shower. And then you do this. And then you do that. It's like, I wake up and the possibilities are endless. And I'm frozen. It's like, yep, yeah. Okay, so anyways, nothing for three hours. Yep. I just want to say I relate to that. But you got diagnosed. You said earlier this year? No,

Unknown 16:08 yeah.

Youngmi Mayer 16:09 Wait, when? Well, I had like, what happened? God, I don't remember mice. So I had, okay, so my psychiatric journey, which is, you know, like the medical part, like, I obviously don't really like no, like, medication has ever worked for me. But it started with being diagnosed, diagnosed with depression. And, um, years ago. And then. And then, like this, I guess this is like, on unprofessional sort of diagnosis. But like years and years ago, in my early 20s, I did a lot of cocaine. And yeah. And like, for me, a lot of times I would do it and then I would fall asleep. Or I would feel like, I would feel like I did this. Maybe this is wrong. Maybe I'm misunderstanding this. But I, I am assuming that it's because I have ADHD, and it was sort of acting like, maybe like what Adderall does to Yeah, add? I don't know if that's correct. But I would just have a weird reaction to cocaine, like, a lot of times, it made me feel really calm, you know? Yeah. And then a lot of times, I would do a lot of it, I will talk a lot stuff. But like, sometimes it would just feel kind of different to me, I think, than other people. That is such an educated statements. I don't even know if that's

Jenn Welch 17:26 accurate. But I felt like that's how a lot of people kind of find out it like a lot of people who are diagnosed. And when I say a lot of people these numbers are this is not scientific. But I hear for me, I read from a lot of people that I anecdotally, um, I mean, I noticed in college that whenever I did Adderall, did my friend's Adderall. I could actually, like, you know, it'd be party time, but I would be like, let's talk about the term papers we're supposed to be working on. Like, that's like,

Youngmi Mayer 17:58 Yeah, I would do my roommates, Adderall, and I could sit down and do stuff. And I could never, I could never, you know, yeah. So then. So that's like, something I noticed just like by myself, and then, um, I just all the Add thing, I feel like it was meant. So like, I had a really bad psychiatrist, the one that I got all the antidepressants from, like, five, five or so years ago. And like, he sort of like mentioned it, but then I was sort of like, I didn't really like him. So I never really followed through and I stopped seeing him. And then, like I and I never in my head thought it was like something that was like, detrimental to my life. Like I thought it was like, it never really bothered me, like all these issues. But then during the pandemic, it's gotten completely out of hand. Like what you were saying about the sleeping thing. I sleep in two hour like patches. Yeah, I literally can't do one thing a day. Like I literally it would kill me to like, do one. I don't even know what I do. I do nothing. Yeah, worse. And then I get really overwhelmed. And then I get a bunch of anxiety. And then I'm always late, like I, um, I have this thing where like, I'll have to be somewhere in 15 minutes and I'll leave like 14 like what was one minute and I'm like, how did I think I was gonna get there and I just, I can't get out of I can't leave on time. Like,

Jenn Welch 19:30 I know what that is. Once I'm out of my apartment, I tend to be kind of okay, as long as I didn't go someplace where I can settle in, right like if I were to say like say it's the old days and like the pits still open and maybe I would go in there and like work for a few hours and then I would have to go somewhere after that. I would be late to the thing I had to go to after that because I settled in and gotten comfortable or whatever. right but like leaving the apartment is a God dang nightmare. I I, I will not do anything for days. And then in the half hour before I need to go somewhere, I will suddenly be like, oh, now's the time to do all the things. Right? And yeah, I will start like, Oh, it's time to clean the oven. And it's like, no, it's not time to clean the oven. It's time to frickin go. And it's like, if my brain, okay, you know how like a dog sometimes, like when you went on, like, say you're taking your dog on a walk, and your dog happens to find like a sweet piece of pizza on the sidewalk in this one spot, right? One day, and you have to, like, get the piece of pizza out his mouth. Because it's like, No, no, no. But whatever. Um, I found that piece of pizza. And now every time you take your dog on the walk, it has to go check out that spot. Because one time there was pizza there. Right? Like, yeah, that is what my brain is like, with, with really quick commute times. Like, if one time I got from A to B, in a very short amount of time, like everything lined up, it just worked out. I do my brain, my brain is like, that's how long it takes. It takes that tiny amount of time to Yeah,

Youngmi Mayer 21:10 I do that with my son's school. Because it's like, once we got an Uber there, and it took 12 minutes. And now I'm like, Okay, now we can leave. We can leave at 818. And we'll and I'm always late every day. And I'm like, Why are Why are we here at nine What happened? I do that all the time. It's so bad.

Jenn Welch 21:29 It's so bad. I just don't even understand how somebody experiences time in in a way that like is useful. For I don't

Youngmi Mayer 21:38 know how to how am I supposed to know when to leave my apartment how like, I don't get that at all.

Jenn Welch 21:44 There was a period, there was a period in time where I had an okay therapists, and this was when I was married. And it was a constant source of tension between my ex and I, this whole like leaving the house thing. And what they told me to do was to take so I had colored index cards so that I wouldn't lose them on my desk with all of my piles of paper, right? Yeah. And when I had to leave somewhere, I would take a colored index card at the like, top of it, I would write the time that I need to leave, right. And then from there, I would write everything that I knew I need to do before I leave like shower, dry hair, eat food. And I would like right out how much time each of those things take and then subtract that from the time that I need to leave. And then that's how much time I needed to start. Like that's so it's like I had to have so stressful. I know, right? Because it's like, Okay, so in my head, it's like, oh, so I need to leave at 330 that means I don't need to even think about the thing that I'm going to until 330, right. Which means I can be in my pajamas, I can be sitting here like, you know, filthy, I can be like whatever and then 330 hits and now it's time to leave. So now I think about it. When really I needed to like start getting ready at 230 because I need to shower and all of that stuff. Yeah, that never somehow makes it into the equation. That's my issue too.

Youngmi Mayer 23:13 My big my big thing is eating food. I can just like, I'm like, well, and then I'm gonna have to leave here at two because it's at 215. And then it's like 150 and I'm like, I haven't eaten I'm starving. I need to eat I need to make myself. And then I look at the clock like 230 I'm like oh no, that's never calculate the food time.

Jenn Welch 23:38 I never calculate the food time. I never get like I am sitting here next to my bed. I have just a case of brownie bites that I got yesterday. And this is all I've eaten between yesterday and today because they're here because they're here and I can reach them and I'm hungry and I have half a brownie bite. And I'm like, this is not this is not healthy eating. Right. This is not good and sustainable. And then I'm like why do I sleep weird?

Unknown 24:07 Yeah.

Youngmi Mayer 24:10 I wish I had the answers. And so then the diagnosis, the diagnosis thing is interesting, because so I was like, so five years ago or something, it was like put on the table that I've add and I was like, I don't want to I don't want to think about this. It's not really detrimental to me, right. And then during quarantine, it got to the point where I'm now like, I'm always late for everything. I can't, I can't do anything. I'm just like, in the state of like, confusion and absolute utter chaos at all times. Like every time I have a work call like this thing I've remembered I'm pretty good at writing it down on my calendar now. But like I have so many times I'll just be like, somebody will be like, hey, what Where are you? Why aren't you on the zoom call and I'll be like, like in the middle of the street or something. I'm like joining like that. Just always happens to me. So I was like, sounds like Okay, so now it's getting to this point where it's just like, it's not manageable. So I, so I signed up for, because I was like, kind of broke. And this actually didn't save me money, but like a, like an online like an app where you call a psychiatrist. And it's kind of bogus. I think it's just for people who are addicted to Adderall, who like taking recreational, that's the vibe. It's kind of like a BS, like, get some Adderall. And so I called them and I was like, you know, I've had issues with this. And like, I now at this point, my life is just like, not manageable. And then the doctor was like, asking me all these questions, because I have all these other things that are like, not don't really align with ADD. And she was like, she was like, I, I hear you have, you definitely probably have ADD, but also, I'm hearing a lot of stuff that I think you might have bipolar, too. And she was like, you need to really just go see an actual psychiatrist, because I can't just prescribe you Adderall. Because a lot of times that like, increases your chances of becoming suicidal. If you're not diagnosed Korea, like correctly, and she was like, you know, like, she was like, I think you should do that. So then I was like, Okay, and so that's where I am in my diagnosis, like journey. Yeah. Um, so. Yeah, so like, that is like my official story.

Jenn Welch 26:30 But it's a good one. Yeah. So did you end up going to see, like in person, psychiatrist, no, but

Youngmi Mayer 26:37 I'm like, I should, like, it's

Jenn Welch 26:40 literally the, it's the fucking hardest part of managing all of this is that you need to make appointments with people and, you know, whatever, and have initiative to actually, like, take care of it.

Youngmi Mayer 26:54 Yeah, but also, a big part of the reason why I'm not doing it is because I do not want to get on medication. Like I don't actually want to be on Adderall. Which is, like, I have taken it like in the past recreationally. And I felt like great, like, I can get things done, but like, also, it felt bad too. And I you know, I don't know. Yeah, mentally, it's not something that I kind of want for myself. So that's like a big part of why I'm like, Well, what am I gonna do? They're gonna just prescribe me medication that I'm not going to want to take anyway. So

Jenn Welch 27:24 yeah, no, I know, it's so hard. And there is like a propensity, who I said, propensity, there is a propensity for, like, doctors to just kind of like throw some medication at you and not really address any of the like, you know, behavioral things or things like that to kind of I feel like ADHD, Twitter has, like, given me so many tools. Just like, I follow a bunch of like, ADHD related accounts on Twitter that just, like, throw great information out during the day, and I'm like, oh, duh. Okay, that makes sense. And that's like, where I get my it's almost like it's almost like coaching in a way. You know, to me, it's almost like yeah, having like that.

Youngmi Mayer 28:13 I get a lot of information from Tick Tock serious, like all these doctors and stuff on Tick tock, and I'm like, Okay.

Jenn Welch 28:23 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um, I like certain things. I like, do you know about rejection sensitivity dysphoria?

Youngmi Mayer 28:33 No, tell me Oh, that's like a big thing with people with ADHD. We're incredibly sensitive to like any sort of perceived rejection. Like where it's like, physically painful at times. And, and it can even just be something like a facial expression or something like that. We're like, Oh, God, or you know, like, and that is something that like a lot of people with ADHD deal with and don't realize that it's like, actually a thing and not just that. Yeah. And I have that really bad.

Jenn Welch 29:09 Yeah.

Unknown 29:12 Dating is a nightmare. Oh, my God, I

Youngmi Mayer 29:15 go absolutely ballistic. Not not in that. Like, I just like, like ghosts so hard. If there's any sense of that. I'm just like, whoa, I'm never gonna talk to that person again. No. Yeah, nightmare.

Jenn Welch 29:27 Yeah, that's it. Um, yeah. And but it's like, it makes sense when you kind of like get when you look at this sort of, like, why have it like, well, I don't know if this is okay. Again, I might just be making up like connections here but like basically like kids with undiagnosed ADHD. Like, get, like if a normal kid gets like, corrected or like reprimanded, like maybe like 10 times a day like a kid with like, undiagnosed ADHD gets like corrected or reprimanded. Like something like 250 times a day. So we're just like exposed to so much more like of that energy. So we're really sensitive to it. And also we don't understand why we're getting like corrected or like, whatever, because it's like, whatever we're doing makes sense to us. So that is that's like part of that's, that's part of it.

Youngmi Mayer 30:23 When were you diagnosed with ADHD as a kid? No,

Jenn Welch 30:27 I took Well, I took a self test in a Parade Magazine, like a paper when I was 16. And I was like, Mom, I marked like, I hit every point, except for hyperactivity, which I say that but I also like tap danced four nights a week and was on the cheerleading squad and like, you know what I mean, like, so maybe I just wasn't hyperactive because I was in so many, like, physical, you know, extracurriculars. But, um, but I basically like, you know, everything. And my mom was like, oh, everybody feels that way. Which because my mom probably has undiagnosed ADHD, that's how she sees things. Um, so it never got addressed. I went to college was a fucking nightmare. I ended up like, getting in. Basically, I was 28, I had stopped working. So I worked for a film studio for a while out in LA, I was late to work every single day, I was like, I was just like, hanging on by a thread the entire time I was there. And then I got a job freelancing for one of our vendors, like, working from home. And I suddenly realized I still wasn't getting anything done. Even though all the people at work, who I could blame on me not getting anything done, or some, like they were no longer in the equation, and I'm still not getting anything done. And that's when I was like, you know, kind of similar to like you with the pandemic, where suddenly you don't have like, any sort of like routine or anything. And you're like, Oh, this is me, and it's not good. Um, yeah, that's when I went to a psychiatrist out in LA. And so I was 28 when she diagnosed me, and she was like, You are textbook? And I was like, Oh, great. Um, yeah. And so it's been a real game changer. Getting that diagnosis. But again, it was like, mostly at that point, it was like, Okay, well, here are some medication, and I'll see you once a month, and like, you know, whatever. But I still had to deal with all of the things. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Youngmi Mayer 32:42 And then, and then you started doing therapy shortly after that, or?

Jenn Welch 32:46 Well, I moved to New York, in 2010, with my ex. And when I got out here, I went and met with a psychiatrist about getting my medication handled. And he met me. And he was like, I think you need to come in here weekly. And I was like, Okay, and so I started going in weekly, and he was amazing. And that's, I he was my therapist for like, seven years. Wow. until he retired, and then I went into trauma therapy, and then I have been in weekly therapy now for like, 11 years. Hmm. Yeah.

Youngmi Mayer 33:27 It's the best. Yeah, I agree.

Unknown 33:30 Yeah.

Youngmi Mayer 33:31 Wow, what a journey. And here we are. I really, you know, honestly, I feel like there's like, I mean, definitely, I don't think there's anything wrong with me or you. And I want to move away from that kind of language. But it's a different way that our brains be working.

Jenn Welch 33:53 It's, it's a very different way. It's a very different way. And I commend you for, for being I want to, so I'm going to be 41 soon, and I really want, I wanted to have kids, I didn't think I would ride out my late 30s and early 40s in a pandemic, but here we are. Both, but like, I have a friend who like just have like some embryos implanted and I'm like, maybe I could do that, you know, and she's like, She's like, I have an extra vial of my daughter's firm. So we could have like, siblings, and I'm like, Oh, that's hilarious. That would be so funny. But um,

Unknown 34:31 didn't to day,

Jenn Welch 34:32 I think about how I think about my daily routine. And I'm like, how would I do this? And so I just want to say I commend you for like, getting it done. Like, no matter how you get it done, like, it's incredible. It's crazy. I'm

Youngmi Mayer 34:48 like, I don't watch who let me be a parent. I mean, obviously, I love my son. I feel like I'm a good mom and that way like I have, you know, like Want to love for him? And you know what I'm just like, I can't the brush, like I can't brush his teeth all the time, like, but then you hear a lot of moms and moms and dads or parents who just don't even have ADHD. And they're like, I don't want to brush his teeth every day. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, he's easy on yourself, I think.

Jenn Welch 35:22 Yeah, well, that's the thing. It's like, nobody's perfect. And everybody has their own shit that they're struggling with. And it's like, Yeah, I don't know. I think that like, one thing that I kind of. I think that I don't know where I'm going with this. I have like 14 thoughts. On the one hand growing up in a house where I think one of my parents had undiagnosed ADHD, I think that I've hung like, I definitely have. I think I'm very open to like, exploring new options when it comes to like ways of living, if that makes any sense. where it's like, maybe, maybe I like my current place. I don't like curtains because for like, various reasons. So I got chalk markers. And I drew awesome designs on my windows, like, you know, like, and that's like, the sort of thing that happens when you grow up in a house where not everything's perfect all the time is suddenly become a person who at 40 years old thinks it's cool to draw on your window. Like you live in a convenience store.

Youngmi Mayer 36:39 I mean, I do stuff like that all the time. Do you have these? Like, obviously this like, add thing? Do you have these like little projects where you buy everything for it, and then it just like sits and I have, I decided I was gonna become a stick and poke tattoo artist. So I bought so many tattooed needles, all the ink, and then I started doing them on my legs for practice. So like, all the areas above, my knees have covered and little stick and poke tattoos. And then I forgot, it's just like collecting dust, but I was really into it for a month. And then I have a rug making kit that I was gonna make rugs and sell rugs that's like in the corner. So it sounds like one of those things.

Jenn Welch 37:15 Oh, absolutely. Well, and that's the thing too. Like, once somebody pointed out on ADHD Twitter, that I'm basically ADHD is like we start the day with a dopamine deficit. And then we spend the rest of our day hunting for dopamine. And we don't really want to do anything unless it gives us dopamine. And yeah, so it's like, we find these new hobbies. And we're like, oh, this is the thing that gives me dopamine. And you we do a gazillion stick and poke tattoos on our leg. And then suddenly, it reaches the point where like, it becomes a little ho hum routine, and it doesn't give us dopamine anymore. And then it's like, we will never do it again.

Youngmi Mayer 38:00 So one of the things I've like the psychiatrists was like, really concerned about was because I have like a very promiscuous dating life. Like, I don't know if that's the right word. promiscuous sounds like so like 19 1920 is like, I'm showing my ankles. Like, like, I have a very, like, maybe like, I like engage in like, high risk behavior, like sexually, right? And I always like see it like, I think, I don't know enough about bipolar to like, know what that even means. But like, I always see like, Oh, of course, I want to, like go on this date with this guy and have sex with him. Like, I, that gives me so much like dopamine. It's so exciting. But yeah,

Jenn Welch 38:43 I don't know. I feel like dating is one of the hardest things with this. Because on the one hand, it's like, yes, immediate gratification. like yeah, I mean, haunt, like, whatever, which means I'm not always making the best choices for myself, like emotionally because I'm just like, ah, but then on the other hand, like, that's like the one hand of it. And then on the other hand of it, I'm so aware of all of the ways that I'm like, kind of a letdown as a lady that I ended up being way too, like lenient in terms of my standards with a dude where like, I'm like, Oh, you live in an ashtray? It's okay, my apartments kinda messy, you know, and it's like, oh

Youngmi Mayer 39:26 my god, I'm like that too much. I should not be on a date with this person. No.

Jenn Welch 39:36 Yeah, so it's like the whole dating with ADHD thing is hard. I feel like that's a whole nother episode that we need to get into my producers probably like Jenn We're at 40 because that's where we are but I think that you need to come back on and we need to talk about that because a lot um, I

Unknown 39:57 Youngmi.

Jenn Welch 39:59 If people Want to find you? Where online not in a stalker sense? Where can they where can they find you?

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