#48: Season 1 Highlights, What I Learned, and Book Recommendations

Love Is Us: Exploring Relationships and How We Connect

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all for listening. See you next season!

To learn more about me, visit my webiste: https://drcalde.com or go to my Instagram feed, where I'm @theloveandconnectioncoach: https://www.instagram.com/theloveandconnectioncoach/

TRANSCRIPT

Intro:

Karin: This is Love Is Us, Exploring Relationships and How We Connect. I'm your host, Karin Calde. I'll talk with people about how we can strengthen our relationships, explore who we are in those relationships, and experience a greater sense of love and connection with those around us, including ourselves. I have a PhD in clinical Psychology, practiced as a psychologist resident, and after diving into my own healing work, I went back to school and became a coach, helping individuals and couples with their relationships and personal growth. If you want to experience more love in your life and contribute to healing the disconnect so prevalent in our world today, you're in the right place. Welcome to Love Is Us.

Episode:

[00:49] Karin: Hello, everybody. Today is my 48th episode, which is the last episode for season one since I started at the end of January of this year, and I'm planning on taking a couple of weeks off. So today I want to talk about season one highlights, also talk about my top five episodes, my most listened to episodes for the season, and also want to talk a little bit about some of the episodes that you might have missed and why I think they're worth taking a listen to. And also at the end, I will give you my book recommendations for this year. So how is 2023 for you? This podcast has definitely made this year special for me. Not only have I just loved bringing all these experts to you and sharing their wisdom with you, but I got to connect with them, learn from them, and I just love these conversations. And I don't make any money from this podcast. It really is a lever of love, although indirectly, I suppose, because I do have several clients who have said that this has helped them get to know me a little bit more and feel more comfortable with my style. So that's been a good thing, too. But why don't we go ahead and get into it?

I'm going to give you the top five most popular episodes from this year. So coming in at number five was adult friendships with Lee Hopkins, and this was a really fun conversation. Lee is just such a nice guy, and it also got me thinking more about my own friendships, and I made it a priority for me this year. I really focused a lot on developing my friendships, figuring out how to best maintain them, just making sure that I was really putting them front and center in my life, and it's made this year more enjoyable. So that was a really great episode.

Coming at number four was conscious communication with Aussie Jem Fuller, and he really talked to us about communicating from the heart, and he also had some really fun stories to tell about how we got to this point in his life. So that's a fun episode. Oh, and I should back up and give you some episode numbers, too. So adult friendships with Lee Hopkins was episode number twelve, and then conscious communication with Jim Fuller is episode number eight. And you'll notice that most of these are my earlier episodes, and that might have something to do with why they were so popular. They've been around for longer, so more people have had the chance to listen to them, but they also did really well in their first weeks as well. So I'm going to stick with the total number of lessons for this list.

Coming in at number three was episode number two, parenting teens with ADHD with Paul Benton. And I love this because this was actually the first episode that I recorded, even though I published it second. And Paul Benton is just such a nice guy, and he talks a lot about why being a teenager, especially a teenager with ADHD, is so challenging and really offers a nice perspective on parenting those kids. So that one is also worth a listen.

Number two, this had been in the number one spot for a while, but now it's number two, and it is episode number nine, and it is women seeking love with Lisa Shield. This is about dating. And I found that my two episodes about dating were really popular, so I'm going to be doing more of that. One of the things that Lisa talked about was how a lot of dating coaches have you do self development work, and that's the bulk of their work. And she says, while that is really important, what's also important is the relational piece. What do men want? If you're talking about straight women who are looking to find men, then what are these men looking for and how do you reach them? How do you communicate with them? So I thought that was some really good advice, too. But she also says this takes time. This takes a lot of effort. So if you're a woman who is dating, especially the second time or third time around, then this episode is worth a listen.

And coming in at number one is episode number 18, self-love with Judith Costa. And I love that this episode about self love was number one because that's also been a theme throughout so many of my episodes, that when you love yourself and you work on yourself, not only will you be happier and more satisfied with your own life, but you're also going to attract the kind of people you want to have in your life. Additionally, your relationships and your relationships will be stronger, healthier and deeper. So self love is at the core of healthy relationships, and it has this ripple effect when you love yourself, others will feel that, and then they will be more likely to spread that love to others. They'll grow in their capacity to love themselves and other people because there isn't a limited supply of love. When we love people and show that love, it grows and spreads. And spreading love in this world is what I consider to be my life's purpose. So if you can feel inspired to grow in that way, your capacity to love and feel self love, after listening to my podcast, then I will feel like I have fulfilled my purpose. And that's pretty amazing. So I'm also planning on having Judith back, if she will join us.

Those are my top five. But I also wanted to talk about episodes that you might have missed that I think have some really great stuff in them. The first one is episode number one, and it talks about the division of labor in the home, and it really addresses not only the tasks that we do, but the mental load that so often women are carrying. And we talk about this game, these cards, essentially, that Eve Rodsky created. She also has a book that goes with the cards and also a documentary. This is powerful stuff. This is not just about going through the cards, which list all these different tasks around the home, but it's about having a bigger conversation and opening up those conversations and going deeper. It's about connecting, and it's pretty brilliant. I've used these cards with some couples, and they really do appreciate them. I think that most people could benefit not only if you're married or in a committed relationship, but if you're just living with anyone. These can be really helpful. And the conversation I thought was really great, and that was with Kristen Jawad.

Okay, so my next episode that I loved was number 15, how to show you care with Kim Hamer. So we talk a lot about grief and about helping people who have a cancer diagnosis or someone in their life who has that kind of diagnosis or who has someone who has died in their lives. And it sounds like this episode would be heavy, but it's really not. It's very light. And Kim is this wonderful, joyful person. This is something that everyone can use. She wrote this wonderful book called 100 Acts of Love, which is really a reference book that you can flip open and use when you are in that kind of situation. And every one of us will be in that situation. She's really generous about sharing the tips from her book in this episode. So, like I said, it's actually pretty uplifting, and I hope you'll give it a listen.

All right, the next one is number 20. So in this one, this one's called counterterrorism self hatred, and ifs with Jay Stamatellas. And that probably gives you very little information about what this episode is really about. And I'd like to say that this episode is about healing, especially for men, but really for anybody. Jay has this really warm, loving, calm presence. Really loved talking with him, and he's got some interesting stories about how he first became a counterterrorism agent, and now he does healing work with people. And he talks a lot about that self critic that so many people struggle with. Just about all of us, really. And I think that his stories will captivate you. I hope you'll give that one a listen again. I just loved this one.

The next episode that you might have missed is number 32, Loneliness with Laura Giles. And I might have misnamed this because I think it might have put some people off…who wants to talk about loneliness? But really, this is a beautiful episode. And at the time that I published it, it was my husband's favorite. And it's really about connecting and how to connect and why that's so important. We do talk about the surgeon general's report that came out in May that talked about how loneliness is at a crisis level in our nation and how that impacts people at all different levels. Individual, family, community, nation, even has financial implications. There's just so much that goes along with that. Laura has this really warm, heart centered way about her. Laura talks about how her experience growing up was perhaps a little bit unique from most people's in that she felt this deep connection with her family and with the animals and things around her. And so that helped her get through some difficult times. And then she also talks about how she is experiencing that connection in community and with cultural experiences and doing that around the world. So it's really not just about loneliness. It's about connection and how that can help heal our world. And I believe that this is a really important conversation to have because I think that this disconnection that we are experiencing is at the heart of so many of the problems that we experience today with loneliness, with disconnection from our earth, with trauma, so many more things, I think, and I believe that if we can start connecting with ourselves and with one another, then we are going to be able to overcome so much. So this is why this is near and dear to my heart, and all of my episodes are special to me, but this is particularly special. So I hope you'll give it a listen.

The next one is number 38, and this is about boundaries with Brenda Winkle. This is something that few people are really good at doing. And yet when we can communicate boundaries and communicate them compassionately, then it can literally change your life. It's about self care, putting your oxygen mask on first. And it really does get easier with promise. You know, this is a core part of the work that I do, as well as the work that Brenda does with her clients. And I think we could all take something away from this episode.

All right. And then number 30. And this episode was really fun. I did this with a couple, Dr. Ray and Jean, and we talk about what happens in midlife with couples and how to keep the relationship strong. Two key takeaways here are to have a vision for you and your partner for what you want your life together to look like, and also to be aware of the stage of life that you're in and how that also impacts how we view things and how we view our relationships.

And then I'll also just add on number 43 with Dr. Alexandra Stockwell. And we also talk about couples in midlife. And what she says is to tap into your curiosity. And this is absolutely something that I find that when I work with my couples and we really dive into and I help them understand and practice it, that it can really make a difference in their relationships. So those are my recommendations.

I also just will say that episodes number 33 through 36 were specifically about the topic of sex, whether it's about one partner wanting sex more than the other, the impact of menopause on sex, understanding how to connect more deeply with your sexuality, and the basics of kink, which might surprise you. Kink gets a bad rap, but it can be incredibly healing. So those four episodes, I think, have a lot to offer as well.

There are so many other episodes that I would love to discuss. I also would have loved to have included clips of those episodes in this episode. And yet I don't have extra hours to do that. I'm a solo operation here, so this is what I could bring you, and I hope it's helpful.

I also wanted to say some things that I learned about you and what's ahead. I learned that the vast majority of you are in the United States, but I also have listeners in South Africa and in Malawi. You're also in France, India, Austria, Germany, the UK, Mexico, Ghana, Sweden, and in more places. And while you enjoy topics about how to make relationships work, you're also particularly interested in hearing about self love, dating and improving communication. So we're going to talk about those topics more in season two. And while most of my parenting episodes got some good listens, those are more inconsistent. So I'm going to narrow the focus just a bit.

I've decided to make season two all about adult relationships. And in fact, I've already recorded three episodes and I have several more booked on my calendar. So this might be a little tough because I'm starting an intense training program mid January that will run through the end of March. I'll have to see how it goes. I might do some solo episodes that are a little bit shorter during that time, but I promise I will focus on bringing you high quality stuff. That's just a priority for me. And once I get close to the end of my program, I'll tell you about it, because I think it might be really helpful to some of you, especially those of you who are feeling stuck in your relationships or stuck in your life.

Okay, next, I wanted to leave you with some book recommendations. So I'm an avid reader, and lately it's been all about relationships and self development. Surprise, surprise. So the first one is the origins of you by Vienna Farron. And if you are ready to dive into your own work, look at some hard stuff and discover what might be holding you back in your relationships and in your life, then read this book. It is not a light read, but it is really powerful and well done. I listened to it on audiobook and then I went out and got it in paperback because I just wanted to be able to refer back to it and read it again. It's read by the author on audiobooks and it felt like she was talking directly to me. It was well done. The next one is called Platonic by Marissa G. Franco. And like I mentioned earlier, this is an area in my life where I wanted to grow this year, and this book has helped me do that. She talks about the many benefits of adult friendships, how to meet people, develop those relationships, and how to maintain them. It's grounded in really good research, in her personal experiences and in her work as a therapist. So really great one. Number three is the science of stuck by Britt Frank. This has so much to do with the work that I do with people and just gave me some more information and I think could be helpful to a lot of you as really, it's really good and it has some information. Although she doesn't talk a lot about it, she is trained in ifs, which I talk about a lot on my podcast, and so I really appreciated her bringing that perspective, too. Okay, the next one also, these aren't in any particular order. They're all just great, and I would have loved to have included more, but the next one is Boundary boss by Terry Cole. Like I said, we could all use some work on setting boundaries, and this is just such a great one. I've also read set boundaries, find peace, a guide to reclaiming yourself by Nedra Glover Tawab, which is also excellent, but I think I liked boundary boss, maybe just a little bit more. Okay. And then my last pick is the way of integrity finding the path to your true self by Martha Beck. Oh, I just love this book. As soon as I finished it, I wanted to pick it up and start reading it again, and it is about how to live your best life. Be truthful and honest with yourself and with others. Be authentic. Find your happiness that way. She's got wonderful exercises and things that you can do to make the book come alive, and I just highly recommend it. Those are my book recommendations.

Thank you for joining me for season one. I'm going to be taking the next couple of weeks off, but like I mentioned, I've got lots of good episodes lined up. I hope you enjoy the holiday season wherever you are in the world, and I also hope that you can take some time to reflect on what lifted you up in 2023 and what you want more of and what you want less of in 2024. My husband and I have started a tradition of talking about that on New Year's Eve and it just fills me up and sets the stage well for the coming year. So go well, everyone. I wish you all full hearts and thriving relationships. I'll see you next year.

[20:35] Karin: Thanks for joining us today on Love is us. If you liked the show, I would so appreciate it if you left me a review. If you have questions and would like to follow me on social media, you can find me on Instagram where I'm the love and connection coach. Special thanks to Tim Gorman for my music, Ali Shaw for my artwork, and Ross Burdick for tech and editing assistance. Again, I'm so glad you joined us today because the best way to bring more love into your life and into the world is to be loved. The best way to be love is to love yourself and those around you. Let's learn and be inspired together.